#381 Fanning The Flames and Nipping The Bud

Fanning The Flames and Nipping The Bud

Wouldn’t it be great to have a metaphor and use it for two things not just one? We all have issues (don’t we? or is it just me?) that if we dealt with them early would never become an issue


Don’t we all get those intuitive idea moments when we look back and say if only I had acted on them – Or is that just me again?   :O)

In this episode, I think I have found a way to do both, deal with issues quickly and act upon those moments of inspiration.

I’ll also mix up my metaphors which I think will really get into both your conscious and unconscious minds and you will begin to act and make so many positive changes in your life. The best thing is you will be taking responsibility for both nipping your negative issues before they start to take hold and fanning the motivation to create success.

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And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism

Paul Clough uses metaphor to talk about letting go of negative stuff

Hey, friend, how are you today? Genuine question. How are you today? Is there any smoke with your fire, or is there any fire with your smoke? Not quite sure which way that goes. No smoke without fire or no fire without smoke? I think it’s smoke without fire, isn’t it? I don’t, know. It’s just one of those things that people say, and it’s normally directed at people, who have been accused of something, isn’t it? And  whether they’re guilty, whether they’re innocent. They always say, well, there’s no smoke without fire. And I don’t think that’s particularly useful. I don’t know what it does. I don’t know whether it just makes people just something to talk about, I guess. And that, to me, isn’t useful. But I thought about this saying, no smoke without fire, because I wanted to change it to ourselves. What would happen if we took that sentence, no smoke without fire in relations to both issues, our issues, yours and mine, and dreams, dreams, goals, things like that, those type of dreams. Not the sleepy night. Night dreams. I, know you’re saying, I even wrote in my notes, ffs. Cloughie. What? But maybe you’ll just say it more precisely and neatly at that, saying, what are you talking about? Cluffy. And you would, and you could. No smoke without fire.

Let’s turn it onto ourselves, because that’s what we’re talking about today

Let’s turn it onto ourselves, because that’s what we’re going to be talking about today, turning this particular phrase onto our dreams and onto our issues. And how can we use it? Because I think it’s great. Because, you see, before the flame, I think there always is just a little smoke. I can see when you’re, when you’re lighting a fire, yes, there’s obviously the flame to start it, but it’s only a tiny little flame on that kindle. And then it begins to smoke, and then the wind gets it, fans it, doesn’t it? And then the flames come. And if it. If I’m totally wrong, I’m, not. Because this is my metaphor, okay? And in my metaphor, there’s a little bit of smoke before it goes into a flame

Every issue starts off small, and most of the time it does

So having said that into my metaphor, what am I talking about? Well, I’m going to say the issues, they always start off small. Now, I, know that’s a real generality, a big generality. Every issue starts off small, and most of the time it does. Okay? You might get a significant emotional event that really kicks off something, and we can deal with those. But I’m not talking about those type of ones. I’m talking the ones that just smolder. Or in another metaphor, like a little snowball. If you were at the top of a hill and you just got a little bit of snow, because there’s snow on the hill, by the way, all the way down, and you made a little snowball, as big as your hand, and you put it at the top of the hill and you just tipped it. And because it’s my metaphor, it begins to roll all by itself. And as it begins to roll slowly down that hill, it begins to gather more snow and gets bigger. And you don’t really notice that it’s getting bigger. but it just is because it’s just picking up little bits as it goes along. I, know on this snowball, there’s a lovely positive intention. I’ll explain what I’m talking about in a minute because I know this is quite random, but the snowball just keeps doing the same thing, keeps picking up more and more, getting bigger and bigger. And you see that snowball, that’s the start of the issue, by the way. Could be way, way back, way, way back to something so small that if you were to know about it now, you’d go, m, okay, I can see how that would have affected me or affected somebody else. If you were like a therapist and you’re looking at somebody else’s issue, yeah, that’s a small thing, but if I was that age again, it would affect me the same. It would be not highly significant, but it would have had that effect. It would have had an effect on me where my unconscious mind would have said, oh, I didn’t really like that feeling very much. So it’s that type of. It’s not hugely traumatic. It’s just don’t really like that. I’m going to do something for you. Positive intention. I want to keep you safe and away from those type of feelings. And that’s what it does. And then as it rolls down the hill, it finds more events which are similar. So it generalizes itself into more areas of your life, trying to protect you, keeping you safe from that feeling. But now it’s generalized it into different areas of your life, and it just keeps going. And every time something comes along which is similar, it triggers, it kicks it in. And sometimes you don’t notice it until maybe now, or something is starting to get to you, and you start to say, well, I’m starting to feel anxious so much more often now, or every time I see that person, or every time I think about that particular thing. I never used to get this anxious. Oh, my confidence has gone now. Oh, No, I’m going to have to try to find an excuse. Oh, could I just put it off a little bit? What am I going to do? And then you start thinking, well, I’ve got to do it. And then to try to come up with the best solution, you think of all the things that could go wrong in an effort, unconsciously, to make you aware of all the things that could go wrong in every event. Then you get your overwhelm, and then you go, oh, no. Then you get panic at that. It just goes on, doesn’t it? Say, can you see how that snowball just got bigger and bigger? But what would happen, do you think, if we could nip that smoke in the bud? Mixed metaphors. Good. We love mixed metaphors. But if you could nip that smoke in the bud, you can imagine. And, how do you do that? That’s a learning thing. If you were to learn as soon as possible what your unconscious mind is trying to do, and then realize that it’s no longer working, it’s no longer appropriate. The behaviors, the thoughts, the emotions are no longer appropriate, and they’re not really protecting you, you could come up with a different sequence, a different way to keep you safe. Yeah, you could, couldn’t you? So how do we nip this smoke in the bud for me? You see, these are just simple little ways. And in simple, I’m going to say that really properly, in simplicity, there is genius. Because we don’t have to go through all the high, convoluted, complicated ways which sometimes abound. This bloody industry.

Sometimes it’s just sitting down quietly and reviewing your week

We pair it back to simples, and sometimes it’s for me, and I guess it is for you, too. You could just review. What do you mean, Cloughie? Well, this is what I mean. Sometimes it’s just sitting down quietly and you could do it daily. Oh, no, not this thing. You could ask me to write it down. Cloughie, maybe, maybe. But sometimes just review. How have I been behaving? How I’ve been thinking. I’d say this again, my words. How have I been talking to myself? And you see, once you realize that, because you could well be. You’re having great times and this isn’t. Issues can be good, by the way. We can have good issues and not so good issues. So the good issues, we want to keep that snowball running and getting bigger. And obviously, if they’re negative issues, we want to stop it there and then. So we could just sit down, maybe sometimes just once a week, as we’re doing our review of the week and looking for the next week, just sitting down and going, how am I happy the way I’m behaving? Because sometimes I’d go, and this is personal, I don’t tell anybody, and I’m working on this. I used to get really angry about things. And the anger wouldn’t just be in my head. It wouldn’t be just the pictures I made. It wouldn’t be just the words that I said to myself, maybe about myself or other people. They would come out, I’d express it, and I’d express it either verbally or nonverbally now, passive aggressive and all that shit. And if I didn’t catch myself there and then. Because normally it’s quite difficult, isn’t it? When you’re in the bottle, reading the label is bloody difficult. I love that little metaphor there. But when you’re in that situation, it’s very difficult to suddenly just stand aside and look at yourself and go, what a dick. But that’s what I do when I review my week. I look at myself, how did I behave? How did I think? Cloughie, that was a dick move, really was. And if I think about it, and this is the thing, if it’s a negative thing, well, it can be negative or positive because it’s great to do this.

What are the consequences? What were the consequences right then

What are the consequences? We’ve talked about this before in that, anger, letting go of anger, dealing with anger. What are the consequences? What were the consequences right then? How did it affect other people? How did it affect myself? We don’t have to go way into the future because we’re going to nip it in the bud. Remember? Nip that flame in the bud. how would it affect. How did it affect other people? How did it affect myself? And be really honest, and when I call myself a dick, it’s a nice little term of a thought, but I know I was being a dick, and I know I’m better than that, and I know the consequences that it had with other people, and I know if I really thought about it, but I’m not going to. If I carried on being like that, it’s just going to get worse. And, when it gets worse, it’s going to get worse for me, going to get worse for the other people in my life. And I don’t want to think about those consequences because I’m going to nip this in the bud and I’ll try to come up with a quick process. So maybe I would just begin to see. And there’s a lovely NLP process, and it’s like called dealing with criticism, but it’s not because you’re criticizing yourself, but effectively you are looking at, that memory that you have and just saying, well, if you take out all the emotion, what can I learn from this? How could I do it differently? How could I have done it differently? And then you go, well, I could have done this, this, and this. Okay, let’s imagine that scene being that way. What emotion would I have had that would have been a better emotion? What behavior, if I used that behavior, would be a better behavior. What belief would be a better belief to have about myself and other people in that situation? And then just play it in your mind. Did I say that, correctly? Play it out in your mind, and it doesn’t matter. As you know, if it’s not 2020 vision, just be aware of how it could feel if you played it out differently. And then this or something better. Lovely little saying. And you do that a couple of times and you can make a few notes if you want. Yes, write that sucker down. Maybe you want to go to, you need a process, another process, a free hypnosis or NLP process. Where do you get those from? Cloughie? You ask as if you didn’t know. Paulcluffonline.com podcast. And there’s 60, I think there’s 60 something, free hypnosis and LLP tracks. There’s one there which would give you something to use. Basically, you go down that list, because I know any one of those would help you, but you go down that list and you go, ah, that one jumps out at me. Set your intention. I want to nip this flame in the bud. Press play. And notice how things change when you come out of that hypnosis. Or you finish that NLP process. And then what you do once you’ve done that. You email me feedback at personal developmentunplug.com and say, hey, Cloughie, this is what happened. It was awesome. It was brilliant. These are the things I changed that would be nicer. But if you could just email me your results or the things that you noticed, maybe just right after the hypnosis or maybe a few days after when you review how, you’ve been, I notice I’ve been so much different, a little bit different. And then we can work on that, because if you get good results on one of those processes, we can then share it with other people through another episode, maybe explain that process even more. I know it comes from, one of the previous podcasts, but we can go into it deep a bit more deeply, maybe m more differently. It’ll always be different because I’m a different person now than I was back then when I did it. And your statements and your email will get me to think of it in a different way. So we could do that, couldn’t we?

The other thing you can do is think about others. How are they acting

And all you could do now here’s the other thing that’s personal review. The other thing I wanted you to think about, and I’ve seen this so many times, is thinking about others. How are they acting? Because you won’t be able to get in their head about what they believe and their emotions, and the positive intention and all that stuff, what they’re going through. The only thing you can measure them on is their behavior, isn’t it? So how are they behaving? Behaving, and that could be words, could be nonverbal, verbal tonation, the things that say, but just notice how, are they behaving? And if things are fine, absolutely fine and dandy, but if you notice something that isn’t quite right, just a little bit, because we’ve all seen, I think, that people who have had suddenly, or their case is like suddenly they have a bad issue and things are bad for them. It didn’t start that way, did it? It was that snowball slowly growing. So it started a long time ago, but now you’re seeing the full effects of it. And I’ve seen it so many times that people say, well, I noticed a little about a year ago they were a little bit weird, and now they’re really suffering. Well, if we could have nipped that flame in the bud a year ago by saying things like, hey, friend, how you really doing? Do you mind m me saying, and I’m going to be really brave here, that I don’t think you’re handling it handling things as well as you like. You don’t look comfortable. Is there something I can help you with? Even if it’s only an ear, I don’t want to give you advice, so I’m not qualified. But if you just want an ear to verbalize, to speak, maybe you could say, well, listen to personal development, unplugged and things like that. But you’ll have a whole array of the things that you know that have helped you. And I think that’s the best type of advice you can give. Sometimes those people are not aware of the problems that you’ve encountered and the problems that you have got over. You have snipped and snubbed, snipped and snubbed, nipped that little smoke and flame in the bud. Because you can say, well, I notice you just not feel you’re not looking and coming across comfortable. And, when I was feeling that something similar a couple of years ago, I remember it felt, and you just be very gent, be very genuine, describe how you felt. And this is what I did. And it did take a little bit of time, but I was so pleased that I did it because now I feel great. And just by saying and being a little bit, in the wonderful words of vulnerability, just being that little bit vulnerable because it’s okay, you’re okay now. You’re just showing what can be done. And you’re showing that you’re kind and that kindness and that sharing. We’re going to talk about sharing, not the sharing I’m going to talk about at the end, but, a different type of sharing in a minute. It will make such a difference. So you could put your story for them by nipping in the bud. I mean, I had loads of stuff that’s happened to me, something that really took me well out of. Out of being a sensible person. And I did some stuff and, I will talk about it one day, but I did loads of stuff. And there was one thing that really helped me and I realized that my journaling is something similar by just talking to myself, but getting it out there. But I’ll talk about that another day. But you can tell people your story by being kind. And I’m not putting off telling you about it, by the way. It’s just that, time wouldn’t allow us at the moment. So that’s what you can do with issues. But you see, we’ve had, nip it, nub it in the bud. But now there’s a thing I’d like to fan. What again? Clavy yeah.

Ideas are like clouds floating by, so what do you do with them

I’m now talking about the dreams bit. The dreams are goals. You see, I heard a lovely metaphor, and it was about how your ideas come. And it was explained or said that ideas are like a cloud or clouds floating by. Now, I’m here looking at that cloud from this place, and I see it in one plane, as it were. I see it in this, from this direction. But someone could be a few miles away, and they see in that cloud in a completely different way. And those ideas can be seen differently by anyone and everyone. And as you look at that cloud, that idea, that inspiration, suddenly it could inspire you. I just got this idea. I just got this thought. I don’t know why. Whoo. Now, you see, if you don’t do something about that, what happens to clouds? Well, they change, don’t they? They either change in their shape and their size, or they just go back into that big bank of clouds, or they just bloody disappear, don’t they? And isn’t that like ideas? We get that little bit of inspiration. We get that thought of, oh, what if I did this? And then you go home, you get interrupted, interrupted by life, and then you sit down and you go, I wonder what that idea, what was it? Well, and then something else comes and interrupts that thought. And by that time, that pattern interrupt has knocked that blooming idea, that inspiration, out of the blue. But it’s just a tiny idea, isn’t it? Tiny bit of inspiration. Now, what would happen if we could fan it so it becomes a fire burning, wonderful, warm inspiration. So you have to take a picture of that bloody cloud. Take a photograph of it. Now you’re saying to me, now, cluffy, how am I going to take a photograph of an idea which you’re telling me is a metaphor, or in the metaphor is a cloud? Because they’re just snippets of things that come into my head, aren’t they? So what are you going to do? Write that sucker down? You know the answer now. You can write it down in so many different ways. You could have a little card that you just carry one card per day, you carry in your pocket with a pen, and you get anything, you just write that down. Because that card is same as having a little notebook. I’ve got big enough pockets for a notebook. You have for a little card. And they only have to be small. I’ve got loads of them. And I’m looking at one now in front of me, where we’re writing notes about speaking Spanish and things like that. And I think it’s an inch and a half by two, they’ll fit in your pocket. I mean, you carry around a phone. Well, most of us do. We’ve got our, mobile phone. Now. They have things like a recording facility. So you could quickly say it out loud into your phone and then come back. And when you’re ready, like a review, you review the notes you’ve made, or you’ve got things like, I, don’t know, evernote, notepad, anything at all that you could write a note on your phone for later. And it doesn’t have to be a million things. It’s like a metaphor. You write down the tiny little bits, the most colorful little bits that will spark your brain into action when you read it. Now, you could have a dream book, an ideas book. And when you come back, you get your card out, you get your phone out, you look at evernote, you listen to your recording, your notepad or whatever. You have that bloody serviet that you wrote a note on while you’re in the coffee house or something like that. And you write it in your dream book. Now, you may have time to explore it there and then that night, but it doesn’t matter now because you’ve written, written rotten, that sucker down. So you can explore it. And it’s good to leave it. Sometimes there’s so many brilliant writers who would, instead of finishing off the writing they’re doing at the end of a paragraph or finish a chapter, they would leave it mid sentence, mid chapter, mid paragraph. And what, they come back following day and their unconscious mind has worked on it because it gets so blowing. You can set your unconscious mind away by just leaving a, question unanswered. Do that so much. In my work with clients, in therapy, I get them to think of things in different days by not answering the question. And their unconscious mind has to answer it for them. And that’s what we do there. So we all do a little bit of work with our dream book and then leave a question. I wonder how this could be even better. Close the book. Leave it till you, till you come back. And guess what? Your pen will start writing, your thoughts will come, and then you review it again. And maybe you’ll take that dream, one of them, because you’ve had aha, huh? And I say that again, an, aha moment. And in fact, sometimes if you go back to some of your aha, moments, the ones that really stuck with you are the ones that you acted upon. Now, you don’t know if one of these little intuitions this little idea you have will become that wonderful, aha, moment. So write that sucker down, review it, work on it, let it enrich itself over time. Because I know that there’ll be times when it just doesn’t seem the right thing to do. But you haven’t forgotten it, because I, know, I’ve gone through my books and I’ve gone, wow, this is two or three years ago, I found one of my notebooks, flick. Oh, I could do that now. And all of a sudden you started again. So that would be brilliant, wouldn’t it? So now we can explore it, make it more colorful, enrich in it, ask, wonderful questions like what are the consequences if I could develop this? I wonder if there’s a process that will help me. What is a strategy I could use? Do I know any more? Anyone who’s done something similar like this? How could I talk about this? And this is a sharing bit, because we can explore, we schedule it, we work on it, we use processes to develop our, imagination. We start a schedule of actions. But then there’s a thing, you could share it, because most people don’t share their ideas. Because if I have an idea and I give it to you, you’ll take it and use it. It’s only a bloody idea. And if they did use it, they’re not going to use it the same as you because they don’t have your same experience, your same knowledge or what have you. So they’ll have different things to bring to it. But here’s the thing, and this is the lovely little metaphor that, another one, it’s packed of metaphors today, isn’t it? If I have a dollar, a pound, a piece of currency, a euro, and I’ve got one of those and I give it to you, what happens?

I always ask you to share this episode. Not because of my ego

Well, you’re better off by a euro, a dollar or a pound. And, I’m less, I haven’t got it anymore. But if you give an idea, share an idea, you still retain that idea. You still got it, you’ve just shared it. And by the act of sharing, it helps you fill it out a little bit, helps you to understand. We talk about, to know that the best way to learn is to tell people what you’ve learned. Because then you reinforce what you’ve learned. Well, it’s the same with an idea. It might fill itself, might enrich in itself as you do that act of sharing, because someone might say, oh, that’s interesting. What about you? Whoa. Yeah, what about that? And I’ll take that away. With me, because they have that idea that you’ve given them. You have that idea, so you still got the idea, and so have they. Whether they do anything with it doesn’t matter. But what will probably happen, because they’re, someone of your respect. They’ll probably say, I’ve been thinking about what you said. Have you ever thought about this? What about this? Now you might find now you’ve got a collaborator, someone who can inspire you, hold you accountable. Or they could just be someone who gives you even more things to think about to make this dream really come to fruition. And you’ve still got that idea. So share ideas. And when we share ideas, it becomes something wonderful. Because when you think about it, that idea was given to you from somewhere. You didn’t have to pay for it. It was shared and shown with you, and you took it. And that idea is going around. Other people can get hold of it, too, or see it from a different angle. And it’s that sharing gets you to be able to see it from a different angle through somebody’s eyes without you having to do anything. What a wonderful thing to do. So you fan that bloody smoke to fan that flame, and you get others to help fan it, too, maybe. And you share. And that’s why I always ask you to share this episode. Share the personal development unplugged podcast. Not because of my ego, but because I honestly believe that it would help somebody. May not resonate with everybody. And, I know it doesn’t, but if it just helps one person per episode, I’m good with that, because I think you could do a lot more than that. But if you could just share that and get them to share it, we’re going to make ripples and also share your experiences with me. As I said, personal developmentunplugged.com. That’s the email address. Go to the website. There’s a contact page there as well. I’m the only bugger who gets them. So we can share our thoughts, share your needs, your wants. Because it gets my brain to think of things and come up with something and sharing it back with you. So I don’t keep your thoughts, I share them back. we’ve had podcast episodes solely on the questions from you, and they’ve created some great things. And I know they’ve helped that person who sent that email in. Guess what? When it happens, they normally get a copy of the audio before it even comes out. So they get to get to listen to it and work on their issue way before it’s out, because I think that’s worth it. So you’ve got that, so there it all is. And by the way, there’s a subscribe and all that stuff. You know how to do that. Please. It’d be wonderful if you did, because then every Wednesday we get that little musing and every Saturday we’ve got the longer podcast. And if you want to know about if you’re new here, by the way, I’ve decided to put what this blooming old podcast is about at the end. So after you hear flying, then you can have a little description, a little indication of what we’re all about here. Anyway, I hope I’ve made perfect sense. Well, it won’t be perfect. I hope I’ve made some sense, been able to articulate a little bit better than normal. Tried to, that was my intention. And I’d love to hear about your ideas. I’d love to hear how we’ve nipped those issues in the bud or we’ve helped somebody. I’d love to hear that. I’d love to hear your celebrations and your successes. That makes my heart jump. Thank you so much for your time. I really enjoy doing this. I joy being in your ear and in your head.

Paul Clough launches personal development unplugged podcast

So now, my friends, as usual, have more fun than you can stand, and it’s time to fly. Warn you are now leaving the unclothed mind of Paul Clough. It’s time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend. Personal development unplugged

hey, welcome. Welcome to the Personal Development Unplugged podcast. So, pleased you’re here. Your time is valuable and precious. So what I would like to do is fill that time that you share with me with the most shiny golden nuggets to help improve your life, to get your goals, your wishes, your dreams to come to fruition quicker, bigger, better than you could ever imagine. Using your imagination, using hypnosis, using NLP, neurolinguistic programming, all of that, using all things of the mind, no brain hacks, but real solid processes to deconstruct what people do to become great, and then find the processes that we can install that in ourselves to support you in your dreams and get what you really want in life. Anyway, who am I? I’m Paul, Paul Clough. And just going to have conversations with you in this podcast and get you thinking, but also share those processes because we’re going to have so much fun. That’s it. We’re going to have fun for a change. Because we can sit down for a spell and have more fun than we can stand creating the world we want to live in and be the person we want to be in that world. The only limitation, the only limitation is your imagination. And you got bucket loads, by the way. Bucket loads. Have a listen. You really must.