Talking’s Over — It’s Time to Change

How Focusing on “How You Want to Feel” Creates Real Transformation

For years now, I’ve watched people — clients, friends, listeners — do something that seems helpful on the surface but rarely creates actual change.

They talk.
They analyse.
They explain.
They go over the story again and again.

And I absolutely get it. Talking has its place. Sometimes a conversation unlocks a reframe, a little insight, or an “aha” moment. But when the issue is deeper, more emotional, or tangled in old unconscious patterns, talking alone rarely shifts anything. In fact, it often keeps you in the loop of the problem.

So in this FMQ — https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq-519-talkings-over-its-time-to-change and in the deeper episode that follows — I want to take you somewhere different. Somewhere more useful. Somewhere more transformational.

Let me explain.

The Trap of Empathy and Why Compassion Works Better

I’ve always struggled with the idea of empathy in the way it’s often described: feeling someone else’s pain so you can understand it.

I’ve seen deeply empathetic people carry the emotional weight of others for days. I saw my own mum do it — beautiful soul that she was — people would offload their pain onto her, walk away lighter, and she’d carry all that heaviness around like it was her own.

That’s not healthy.
And as a therapist, it’s not useful.

Compassion, though… that’s different.

Compassion is understanding what someone is feeling without drowning in it. It’s recognising their struggle, respecting their experience, and staying centred enough to actually help.

And that brings me to you — and your struggles.

Why Talking Doesn’t Change Deep Issues

Think about something you’ve been struggling with. Anxiety. Shyness. Anger. Doubt. Overwhelm. Whatever it might be.

Be honest:
Has talking about it actually changed it?

Not really.
And here’s why:

If you’d consciously chosen this problem, conscious talking would fix it.

But you didn’t.
It was created unconsciously — probably to protect you at the time.

Unconscious problems need unconscious solutions.

And that’s why hypnosis, guided processes, and deeper inner work create the real transformation.

Talking is conscious.
Change is unconscious.

This is why so many people feel stuck, even when they talk for years.

The Real Key to Change: How You Want to Feel

Here’s the twist — the thing most people never do:

They never clarify how they want to feel instead.

They’re experts in describing the problem.
They can outline the symptoms in great detail.
They can list everything that goes wrong.

But ask them, “How would you like to feel?”
You get:

“I… don’t know.”
Or: “Not like this.”

Here’s the magic:
When you define how you want to feel, you give your unconscious mind a direction. A signal. A target.

And it starts to work toward it, quietly, beneath the surface.

That’s what this FMQ is setting up for you.

Your Simple 7-Day Prep (That Already Starts the Change)

Before next week’s deep-dive episode, I want you to spend a few minutes each day asking one simple question:

How would I like to feel?

Not:
“What’s wrong?”
“Why am I like this?”
“How bad could it get?”

Just:
How would I like to feel?

Write it down.
Do it in different contexts if you want:

• How would I like to feel socially?

• How would I like to feel at work?

• How would I like to feel when I’m alone?

• How would I like to feel when I’m overwhelmed?

• How would I like to feel in the future?

Describe the feeling.
Put it into words.
Make it real.

This alone can begin to shift things.
I’ve seen it happen.
Countless times.

The Magic Behind This Approach

You might be wondering why this works.

It’s simple:

The unconscious mind needs clarity, not analysis.

When you focus on “how I want to feel,” you hand your unconscious mind clear instructions.

You break the loop of rehearsing the problem.

Every time you think about the problem, you reinforce it.
Every time you think about how you want to feel, you reinforce that instead.

You shift from victim of circumstance to creator of experience.

You stop reacting and start directing.

You prepare the inner ground for deeper transformational work.

So when next week’s longer episode arrives — with a full process — you’re ready.

This FMQ Is a Seed — And Next Week We Dive Deep

This episode isn’t about fixing the issue yet.
It’s about planting the right seed.

Next week’s episode will take everything you’ve written and help you install those desired feelings, safely and unconsciously, so they begin to show up in your life naturally.

But you have to do this part first.

Two minutes a day.
That’s it.

Start Now. Start Gently. Start With You.

You don’t need to struggle alone.
You don’t need to keep talking about things that never change.
You don’t need to keep rehearsing the problem.

Just sit, breathe, and ask:

“How would I like to feel?”

That’s where change begins.
And I’ll meet you in the next episode to take you the rest of the way.

Until then…
Have more fun than you can stand.
Be gentle with yourself.
And get curious.

Paul