Talking’s Over It’s Time To Change
In this slightly-longer FMQ, we’re taking a gentle but powerful step toward real change. No more talking about the issue. No more cycling through the same thoughts. This episode is all about shifting your focus to what actually creates transformation — how you want to feel.
So many of us get stuck talking, thinking, analysing… and nothing changes. Why?
Because talking doesn’t always touch the unconscious mind — the place where these patterns were created in the first place.
- In this FMQ, I share:
The real difference between empathy and compassion (and why empathy can overload you)
Why talking about problems rarely changes them
Where real emotional change really happens
The simple, powerful pre-work for next week’s longer deep-dive episode
How focusing on “how I want to feel” can quietly shift things even before you do any formal process
This episode is your gentle setup — your seed — for the bigger, deeper process in next week’s longer podcast. And it’s beautifully simple.
✅ Your 7-Day Challenge (The Seed for Next Week)
Each day, take 2–3 quiet minutes and write down:
How would I like to feel?
Not the issue.
Not the problem.
Not “what’s wrong”.
Just: How do I want to feel instead?
Do it in different contexts if you want:
-
With people
-
At work
-
Alone
-
In difficult moments
-
In good moments
Then… let it simmer. Let your unconscious mind start doing what it does best.
Next week, we’ll take everything you’ve written and go deep with a full process to help make those feelings part of your natural way of being.
Why This Matters
Because talking doesn’t always change anything — but educating the unconscious mind does.
And this tiny step gets you ready for a huge one.
Share It
Share this FMQ with someone who needs to feel better, think differently, or get ready for some genuine positive change.
You might kickstart something wonderful for them.
https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/fmq-519-talkings-over-its-time-to-change
Shine Brightly 🌟
Paul
Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you’ve enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com.
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Music Credits
Music by Wataboi from Pixabay,
Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay,
Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay,
Music by freegroove from Pixabay,
Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.
And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism
FMQ 519 Talking’s Over It’s Time To Change
Welcome to the five minute quickie podcast with a slight difference. Slight difference is I want you to think about things.
So on a longer podcast, we can dive deeply into the subject and also with processes that allow you to change your issues. But what is it today? What is it today? Well, compassion or empathy. You see, I have real trouble with empathy.
You see, empathy, if I can say it right, seems to be that you have to feel the feelings of that person to understand them. And I know some really nice people who are mega empathetic. And the thing is, I don’t think it does them any good, because they really feel the feelings of someone who is in pain.
And they feel in pain. I don’t mind empathy when you’re, you know, when you’re feeling good, I’ll join you in that one like no one’s business. I’ll be there quick as a flash.
But as a therapist, I don’t want to feel your pain. I really don’t. My mother, bless her, she was super empathetic.
She would have people come round. And in my mind, they were like, they dumped all their emotional pain on her, left it with her and walked away smiling. And she would then be for days thinking about it, worried about it, feeling it.
I don’t think that’s healthy, do you? Now, what’s the difference? Compassion. Compassion. Compassion to me is to understand how you feel, how it affects you.
What are the effects of the way you’re feeling? How, well, how bad is it? But I need to know from you, how bad it is. What does it feel like? You know, I don’t need to feel it myself. Because I trust you.
I trust you if you know what, you are the expert in how you feel. Now, there’s a real thing in this about having issues. Issues that make you feel pretty shit.
And you think, you know, people talk about these things. And this is where the empathy goes, I think. Because they talk and they talk and they talk.
And they keep talking and they keep talking about their issue, talking about their issue. And guess what? Nothing changes. And why doesn’t it change? Now I know, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know sometimes it does change. Sometimes we get that aha moment. Sometimes that person we’re talking to isn’t empathetic and can reframe something, get you to think of something in a different way.
And you go, oh, that makes so much sense. But that’s generally on the lighter side. With issues that are painful, or affect us in so many different ways, talking doesn’t necessarily do it, does it? Sure, if you think about it, this is my thoughts anyway.
You have been thinking about this for a long time, thinking about your issue, talking to yourself, why me? How bad is it going to be? All those wonderful, bonky, stupid questions. Yes, they’re stupid, because they’re asking how bad it could be. And your unconscious mind will come and get it for you, show you.
But the thing is, all that talking, has it made a scrap of difference? No. Now you see, this is what I think. You see, if you’d have chosen to create this way, way of being, this feeling, consciously, all that thinking, all that talking would have solved it, wouldn’t it? Because if you create a problem consciously, you can solve it consciously.
And if it’s not going, you must have chosen this at an unconscious level. Now, you know that I believe your unconscious mind chooses these ways in a way to protect you. And at the time when it did it, it was the only thing it could do with the experience and wisdom that you had back then.
But now it’s no longer appropriate. There are better ways. And the thing is, because it was created, chosen by you at the unconscious level, that’s where we go to make our changes.
We have to educate your unconscious mind. Some people would say reprogram. I don’t really like reprogramming.
It’s just educating your unconscious mind to say, well, are there better ways to keep you protected? We’re not going to take away that positive intention of keeping you safe, but is there a better way? Now you and I know there’s better ways, far better ways. Now, this is what I want you to do. Because in the longer podcast, I want to dive into this and have a process or two to change.
But first of all, I want you to think in a different way. Not why has it happened to me? How bad it can get? All those, as I say, those bonky questions. I want you to start to think quietly, take some time out and just sit down quietly.
A piece of paper and a pencil pen is so much better because I want you to write them down so you don’t forget them. And then when you come to the longer podcast, we can have a quick squint at them and go, yeah, they’re the ones. But the thing is, it’s not the issue.
I don’t want you to write out the issue. Really, Cluffy? Yeah. I thought we were working on issues.
No, this is the difference. This is the difference that I think makes a difference. I want you over the next seven odd days, because that’s that’s been roughly the period next week when the longer podcast comes out, to just sit down five minutes a day, maybe at the most, and write down how you would like to feel.
Yeah. How would you like to feel? Forget the way you’re feeling because it’s not always the opposite. Maybe it is calmness, maybe it’s contentment, maybe it’s confidence in your competence or competence in your confidence.
Maybe it’s connection. There are so many different emotions we could have. I don’t want you to sit down quiet and go, well, OK, if I could feel the way I want to feel.
What would be the most appropriate feeling that I would feel comfortable in? Safe. And it could be in different contexts, remember. So it could well be that, well, sometimes I get this feeling when I’m with people, socialising.
How would I like to be? Maybe at work, and there’s those meetings, I get, oh, how would I like to feel? Maybe when I’m by myself, how would I like to feel? Always how you like to feel, would like to feel. You can even think, well, if I felt that way, what would the consequences be? What would be the effects of me feeling that way, instead of the old way? But don’t think of the old way. Sorry, didn’t mean to say that.
In those contexts, when I feel the way I want to feel, what would be the effect on the people around me? Me, my confidence, and even further into the future. And that’s all I want you to do. Nothing more.
Just sit down. That’s easy, isn’t it? Everyone can do this for two or three minutes. That’s all it takes.
How do I want to feel? Ask the question, think of a context, and write the bugger down. And I’ll tell you what, if you do this, can’t guarantee it, can’t guarantee it, but what tends to happen is things start to change without you doing any work. But that’s what you’ve got to find out.
And you won’t find out unless you do this little bit of work. And if you want to change, and you have the will to do whatever it takes, this is easy. And everything we do is easy.
And in simplicity, there’s genius, and that’s what it is. But it takes effort. But I’m only asking you for two minutes of effort.
That’s all. Two minutes a day, write down how you want to feel. And at the end of the week, maybe, well, what would the consequences and the effects be if I felt those ways in the future? That’s it.
Notice how you feel differently during those seven days. And then I’ll see you at the longer podcast. And then we’ll really dive into creating, how to create the way you want to feel to have happen in your life.
Okay, that’s what we’re going to do. Have fun. Have more fun than you can stand.
Really hit this one in a lovely gentle way. Just be easy on yourself. Just sit down, think of a comfortable, comfortable feeling.
How would I like to feel? Get curious. Okay. So until the next time, my friend, you go do that.
Have more fun than you can stand. As I say, share this with people, by the way, because I’d love them to do the same thing. So they could listen to the longer podcast and make the changes that they need to make for themselves.
Because that’s what you do. You’re going to be making this change yourself. Not me, not at all.
I will guide you, but you’re going to drive the bus. Have fun. And I’ll see you next week.
I’ll see you at the next episode. Time to fly personal development. Unplugged.
Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited