#377 Dealing With Anger PART 2

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Dealing With Anger PART 2

Diving into the ‘How To’

So now we get to learn more about the intention of anger and how it really is an inappropriate emotion. We can see examples where others have used it to propel their lives, using the energy contained in the emotion and that’s ok, I guess, if you don’t hold onto it.

Can you think of better emotions to use? I can and I’m also guessing if you were to remember times you achieved a goal and enjoyed the process anger was at the back of the queue  :O)

If you haven’t listened to part 1 it would help you get the best out of this part 2 and guide you to make changes – Anger doesn’t only affect those with it but all those close to them and so will letting go of anger. Do it for yourself and others to get the benefit. win-win-win-win

So come dive in with me and find ways to release anger and the end of those stories

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Shine brightly


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And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism

This is part two of the personal development unplugged podcast

Heads up. This is part two. Part two? The second part. That’s what a part two is, of dealing with anger. This is where we deal with the process of letting it go and changing, creating the life we want. So I. You haven’t listened to part one. Please do, because it will make so much more sense, obviously. So have a listen to part one, and then if you want, then you can come straight into this. So that’ll be fine. Absolutely. Superb. So here we go. I know it’s important to you. Have a listen after this.

Okay, my friend, welcome back. Hopefully, now you’ve listened to part one, getting ready to let go, make the changes you want. Create a rich life. Because you’ll be amazed. You’ll be amazed when things change. Your new normal will be so rich. And in fact, I believe over time, you’ll forget the old life, uh, the old way, because it no longer served you. It will no longer serve you anyway. But it’s all been done. We’re going to create that new way of being so it’s really exciting, isn’t it? I think it’s really exciting. And if you remember in the first part, told you a little bit about the, uh, positive intention behind anger, trying to protect you. It’s a secondary emotion. It comes in after fight and flight, and fight and flight is what protects you. Anyway, it’s hardwired, as we said in your neurology. So no worries. You’re always going to be protected. And what we want now is to create a way that you use the learnings, the learnings from the past, so you can be safe and therefore you can access better, uh, more appropriate emotions, behaviors and beliefs. Because when you do that, you’re going to be so protected, but feeling comfortable, feeling good. And that’s where we’re going to be going in a short while. You remember those stories I was telling you about the guy who came and saw me with all that anger? Remember that NLP guy came up on for his presentation? And Geoff Thompson? We’re going to finish those shortly. But first of all, I want you to find a comfortable place. And this is not hypnosis, by the way. You might find you’re going to go inside because you’re going to use your memory and maybe a little bit of imagination. So if you can find a place where you’re going to be undisturbed, you’re going to want to be writing things down. And I know when people go, oh, bloody hell, do I have to? Yes, it’s so important that you write this bugger down, because in order to get the real depth of this, when you write it down, you have to go inside and find the right words, find, uh, how to communicate your thoughts in your head to the paper. And that makes this process so much more deeper and more connection, uh, I believe a more deeper connection with your unconscious mind. So yes, you do have to write it down. And the other bonus of that is you can come back, come back at any time, and especially in the second part of this process, you can come back and add to it, add to the things that are going to make your life richer. And I think that’s important because when we come back, and it’s also a great reminder, or a re reminder, as my son hates me to say, a re reminder. It’s a re reminder of your commitment, your commitment to change and what you’re going to get and what you’re aiming for. Because we have to have an intention, and our intention is what we anticipate to achieve. I believe, and I like even go to expect this is our expectation. So you have your intention, and you may be able to visualize it from the words. Well, you will. You’ll be able to visualize it from the words that you write down. And you’ll be able to see a new you, a new you that is doing all the things that you want it to want him to do, her, uh, to do whichever way around you are. But it is so important that you can come back to this and, uh, even look at it and go, do you know what? I’m going to make that even better because now I know the process. I can make it even better. I will make it even better. I’m going to start to think about consequences, opportunities, because that’s where we’re going to start going. I’m not going to give you all now because we’re going to go through the process, but I just want you to find that place where you’ll be generally undisturbed, so you don’t need complete solitude, but it’s somewhere where you can focus and think about or use your thinking. Go inside and just muse and then write on your paper. So go and find a comfortable place, that quiet place, and set your intention, your expectation of releasing this negative emotion of anger and finding wonderful ways to put in place of the old way. And you don’t know what they are yet, but we’re going to go there. Okay, so get ready, and then we’ll jump into the second part of this.



Ask yourself what negative emotion is costing you today or in the past


There you go. Okay, let’s get there. Now you see what happens. Say we were to look down upon it and what we’re going to ask, we’re going to ask ourselves some questions. But what I have to say to you is, if you’re going to do this with me, if you’re going to do this, you’re going to need a pen and paper because we’re going to have to write it down. As I said, we’re going to look down on our life, as it were. Ask ourselves some questions, get some answers. But you have to do both. Don’t just do it 50 50 because we’re going to do some negatives and we want to do the positives. Don’t want to leave anybody in anything. So remember, I’m a therapist, and your therapist, if you want to do this, it’s not a big deal, but just do the. Just do it all. So I want you to write down, first of all, what you think that emotion is. Uh oh, maybe it’s. And you can swear and do whatever you like. If it’s anger, or whatever, you can write it down on the top of the page, right in the middle. If it’s a mind map, if you’re doing a mind map, just draw a line down the middle, because we’re going to have the one side and then we’re going to have difference on the other side and the first one. The question is, what’s it costing you? So let’s just refine that a little bit. What has it cost you? And, um, write that down. Be honest with yourself. What’s it bloody cost you? It’ll probably cost you relationships. It might have cost you jobs, it might have cost you maybe physical things. Maybe you’ve done damage. What has it cost you in the past? And write those down. And when you write those down, you’re going to say, be honest. Just go through all those. Not all the times, but the one, the significant ones that come to mind. What has it cost you today? Let’s be honest. Because if it’s costing you things which are negative, then your unconscious mind is going to start to see, oh, it’s not working, is it? Because everything, the effects of this are, uh, negative. And then I want you to think, well, okay, what’s it costing me right now, today, holding on to this? And it could well be your health, could be finance, could be relationships, not just necessarily romantic relationships. It could be the family, friends, social work colleagues. Write it down. Write the answers down. All on the same side. Right or left, I don’t care. And then what would be the consequences if you were to choose to continue to have this emotion and think about that? Just don’t go mad. We got to be realistic. But what would the cost be? What would be the consequence if you continued to choose this anger or this negative emotion? We’ll go with anger. And when you look at all of that, you might just want a summary. You can ask yourself, well, how is this working for me? And you know how the answer is. It nearly swore. It’s not. It’s not at all, is it? But I want you to be really honest with yourself, to know that your unconscious mind is doing something for a positive reason. But what are the effects now? Might have worked at the very first time, maybe the second time, but after that, it diminishes, and now it’s causing you harm, it’s causing you negative effects through negative behaviors, negative emotions. And then you’ve got the other side of the paper again. You got to write this down and make sure you do it.



What beliefs would you rather have about yourself? And they’d be positive


How would you rather be? Just think, how would you rather be. So what beliefs would you rather have about yourself? And they’d be positive. They’re not, I’m not angry person, because that’s a negative. I’m not angry. Now, how would you be? Maybe how I would rather be is a loving person, a kind person, maybe gentle. I don’t know. That came to my mind. Just what belief would you have? And it’s going to start off with I’m. Even if it’s the subtle one, like, I’m okay, I’ve got this. I can deal with this easily, effortlessly. I’m the type of person that stands up for myself in the appropriate manner. So what beliefs would you have about yourself? Because these are identity beliefs of how you would rather be in place of the old way. So no negatives. So I would rather believe I’m not angry person. No, that we want these in the positive. How would you be if you had this right now, the way you want to be? What would you believe in yourself and write those buggers down. What emotions would you have instead in place of the old anger? So it might be calmness, might be an awareness, maybe reflection, maybe just feeling of comfortable. I love comfortable. Because when you’re comfortable, you can access all different things. You can access different emotions. Thoughtful, empathetic. If you like empathy, you can have anything you want. There’s one beginning with a common I can always forget the bloody thing, but that’s the one I want. Now what behaviors would you have in place instead of the old one? Reflect on the behaviors that would come from those emotions. So if you’re, I don’t know, just say you were comfortable, well, maybe you would walk differently, you would breathe differently, wouldn’t you? You’d probably see things more clearly. You’d be able to talk to yourself in a different way, wouldn’t you? How would you like to talk to yourself in place of the old way? And as you think of that, you’re seeing in some ways, and I know you’ve got to, got to see it. Even if you don’t see it in perfect 2020 vision, somewhere in your mind’s eye there’s a vision of yourself. How, uh, you’d like to be believing about yourself in such a positive way, accessing really good positive emotions, having the behaviors, using the learnings you’ve learnt along with all the experiences. And when you’re like that, how would affect you in the world? What would the effect be on you personally? I’m sure you’d be more healthier, I’m sure you’d have more opportunities. I’m sure your esteem would grow because you can be a warrior, huh? But you can also be a lover. You can be not a comedian, but have humor. You put those three together, that’s a wonderful combination. So what would the effect of on you be when you’re believing in yourself in that positive way, positive emotions and those behaviors, and how would that affect others, the people around you, your close friends, maybe closer than that. Uh, those one to one relationships. What about family? How would it affect your family? How would it affect you at your work, maybe in your social life, your health, life? M how would affect your prospects for living and life? And when you think about that, what would be the consequences of being like that? What are the opportunities that are going to come your way that in the past wouldn’t at all, but now, when you’re like this, what are those opportunities? What dreams could you have and believe they could become true? And when you imagine all of that as one, what would that feel like? And try to describe that feeling. You have to write this down. You have to. There’s no, well, I can think about it. Cloughie. Uh, I can do this. No, you have to write all of these down because it’s your reminder. You can go back to all of this. You can schedule some thinking time and expand upon it. You can do it daily, and then you can see the changes. You can make it richer. So you schedule in this and you imagine one of the things, how would I act? As if I was to act as if I have those beliefs, those emotions and behaviors, and the learnings and the experiences and those wonderful goals, how would I act? And if I was to act as if right now, what would that be like? And describe it. Yes, a lot of writing, but it’s going to be so worthwhile. And it doesn’t have to be pages and pages, but it’s so worthwhile. So when you schedule just thinking, maybe just daily seeing that you, it’s a bit like that ultimate vision of yourself, but just imagine yourself having let go and now acting as if see yourself over there being that person has all the beliefs, attributes, emotions, behaviors, the skills, and is continued learning and is starting to take those opportunities that come their way. And I’ll tell you what happens when you do that. We were talking about, um, that NLP man within minutes on the stage, and it was literally probably about 1520 minutes. He had tears at the end of it, but there were tears of joy. Tears of joy, because he suddenly realized, I don’t need that anymore. I’ve let it go. And he could see in his future, just, as I said, the consequences now of the change that he’d made. And we saw him during the training. From that moment on, he was a great participant practitioner up to then, but he just got so much more out of the training. And I know he went to see various, uh, people to explain just things, and he felt so much stronger for it.



What happened when Geoff Thompson channeled and learnt from his anger


So what happened to Geoff Thompson, this bruiser, this bouncer? I mean, he’s like five black belts in five different bloody ways. He said he can kill you in five different ways and all that stuff. But what happened when he channeled and learnt from his anger, when he used that energy, first of all, to write, but write books that help people, help people create lives for themselves to be able to deal with the things that he dealt with. He also wrote, um, film place. Film place, scripts for films, whatever it is. And they were really emotional. This is this big bruiser now writing screenplays. And what happened? He won a bloody BAFTA. He’s been writing plays. He’s got books. He does talks, and he inspires people. I’ve talked about him before. He’s such a lovely man. So he’s let go of the anger, and he’s learned from it. I believe he’s learned. He says he’s channeled it into doing all this stuff, but I just think his unconscious mind has learned from it. It’s no longer protecting. How can we use that energy into different things? So it’s just using the energy, not using the anger. That’s my view. And, uh, what happened to my client? Well, he came back after the session, and I didn’t know he was coming back. And, uh, my sons had taken. Had made the appointment for me. And when I saw it in the diary, I thought to myself, oh, bugger. Maybe it didn’t work. That’s the first thing. It’s like that negative thing you think of. Oh, no. You always think the worst. Don’t we? We do. Oh, no, it hasn’t worked. But he came in and said, I’m going to pay for this session, but I don’t want a session. I want to sit here and talk to you and explain to you what’s happened. And he told me, he said, I’ve been to the doctor. I’ll have been to the hospital. My body is now getting better. Everything is starting to get better and get, uh. Uh. All the dials are getting more positive. And all this stuff. I say dials because they don’t look quite big. All his metabolism everything was changing for the positive back to normal health. He said, my son, we don’t live together because we found out really he needs his time, his space, and so do I. But we meet and we meet often, and we have this wonderful connection now. He said, just as special, he said, you don’t know where I’ve been last weekend, do you? I ain’t got bloody clue. So I’ll tell you where I’ve been, Paul. I’ve just come back from the christening of my granddaughter, and I stayed with my daughter and her husband and my granddaughter, and I was at the christening. And that’s all down to letting go. These are the consequences to him of letting go of that anger and being able to access those positive beliefs, the emotions, the behaviors, and learning from everything. And yes, two of those people, my NLP man, or Joseph’s NLP man, my man, they were based or, uh, used processes. But the processes, in some ways, what I’ve explained to you, learning from the past and then learning how you can change and be better in the future. Geoff Thompson, he created that same, I believe, similar process. He learned from the past, learned what was working. He knew if he carried on, it would have been a disaster, the consequences. And he decided to change and channel that energy into the good. So that’s exactly what we’ve done today or in this episode. And so that really means I’ve put equals an equal sign in my notes. So can you. But there’s a couple of pre work credits. One is you have to decide what you want and you have to decide to be it. Uh, acting as if. Just act as if you’ve got everything you need. Yes, I know you haven’t done the work yet, but if you were just to act as it, that would change everything straight away and would give you the platform, the foundations. But when you look at what it’s cost you and look what you can do in future and write down the things that would do that. Because here’s the thing. If you say, well, I want to be calm, you’ve got calm inside you because you wouldn’t know you wanted it. If you wanted to have whatever emotion or whatever behavior, you can learn it. And I know you’ve already got it in you anyway, because if you didn’t know about it, you wouldn’t know to want it or think it would be good. And these are the learnings you are using your conscious mind. End with your unconscious mind to learn. Learn what will work because they’re coming from the experiences that your unconscious mind has missed because it’s been using that old negative emotion of, say, anger. So you have to decide this or something better. That’s what you have to ask when you do this, this or something better because that’s then putting the lowest bar and you’re going to achieve it more and more.



Take charge, decide, become the driver of your bus, not be a passenger


Now, as you know, there’s a couple of things I want to finish off with. One of the things I wanted to tell you, I always put these notes on the side of my paper and, uh, what I want to tell you, what was this all about? And one of the things was, don’t put up with it. Take charge, decide, become the driver of your bus, not be a passenger. Get empowered. Because when you’re empowered you’re at. Cause you’re taking responsibility. We talk about, I can do this, I get to do this good. And here’s the real thing, which is that taking responsibility, it’s up to you and only you. No, don’t give me any excuses or don’t give yourself any excuses. Oh, I couldn’t do it because of. No, no one makes you, you make you, you choose. Once you’ve choose and use the will to do whatever you, whatever you can, the will to do whatever you need to do, you’ll get there.



If you want more help on personal development, ask Paul Clough


Now, I know this is a massive subject and I’ve just come there with hitting you with a mind map and a few stories and I know they’re going to make a difference, they will, they’ll drift in. Uh, but if you want more, want more on this subject or other subjects, what do you got to do? Well, ask, either ask somebody else, but you could ask me, ask me and we can then just as this episode and other episodes have come from an email from a listener saying, I’ve got this problem and I don’t expect you to help, but I’ve just got this problem. Can you and a couple of emails and yes, these episodes have come to fruition and hopefully they’re going to make a difference. So all you do, all you have to do is think and decide. Again, I’m going to, ah, ask, I don’t know the answer but I’m going to ask Paul. Oh, Cloughie, see what he can do. Because thing is about it, if I don’t know the answer straight away, I’m going to bloody find out the answer because you are now going to stretch me into finding new stuff, I’m going to learn stuff and I’m going to share it back with you because that’s what I love doing. So please do ask. How do you do your email? I suppose you could do it on because I do have like an Instagram account and I do have was it x? Is it x now that used to be Twitter or Twitter, whatever you can find me by. I suppose you just search my name and you’ll see my face and you’ll see all the posts I put, uh, up which are all about personal development. So you know it’s the right one. You could do it there. I think you can direct message me there or you just email me feedback at personal developmentunplug.com. That means no one gets to see the comments. Then it comes straight to me and we’ll do something. And I’m not going to let you down and I’ll support you in any way I can because I want to support you, getting you to where you, where you deserve to be. Um, and then even more. And I know that when I, when I do things like this, I learn myself and I learn, not just learn new things, but I learn to change myself as well. And hopefully then I become a better person too. That’s what I want. So do that for me. Do that for me. And if you want, I know I always say share and things like that, but if you want to share this, I’d appreciate it. I really would let people know about this podcast because it’s only a little one, but it’s got, I think, some really good golden nuggets. So let’s share it if we could. There you go, my friend. That’s what all we got time for today. You’ve got some writing to do. Replay it. Replay the middle bit and follow and keep pausing it and writing those things down and let me know how well you do. And then from there, because when you do that, you might want a little bit of help. That’s that email. Okay, go play. And love your feedback. Love your feedback. And you can do it in those other channels as well if you want to. Okay? So my friend, let’s have more fun than you can stand doing this, knowing that you are going to create the most wonderful you and the most wonderful life for yourself. Look forward to that. So it’s time to fly, my friends. Have more fun, as I said, than you can stand. Bye bye now.


White, you are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It’s time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend.


Personal development unplugged.