#227 Letting Go In 4 Easy Steps

Letting Go In 4 Easy Steps

Would being able to change something you do or feel be valuable to you, would that be important? If that was easy to do and comfortable to do what would you change?

Breaking down/deconstructing the complicated is what I do here so in this episode I have created a process to let go of an issue. Is there something you would like to change say in your behavior or reaction to something or someone? Maybe you have some feeling that doesn’t feel quite right  – We’ve all got something we would like to let go of or change haven’t we?

I have deliberately kept this very conversational so as to make it flow and be a ‘do with‘ process.

If you want to dive straight in then come on in but if you want to listen first before, a taste as it were just make sure you have nothing that needs your attention(like driving, etc.) and simply listen with your eyes open then when you’re comfortable – listen again.

For those of you who would not only like to experience this but would like to read the process, I’ll look to get this episode transcribed and let you know about that in my monthly newsletter.

Because creating/developing these powerful change processes is a bit of an obsession of mine I want to make sure if this just me who enjoys this or is this something you like to continue or would rather they not be within an episode. Your opinion is really valuable to me and if you share it please email me feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com

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The Episode Transript

Letting go in 4 easy ways


Hey, we’re back again, again for I think it’s gonna be a longer podcast, not a five minute podcast anyway, not even longer five-minute podcasts, but about a longer podcast. And I wanted to see if you’re gonna come along with me on solving an issue solving a problem.






I forgot to mention when I recorded this, that, if you’re going to do this with me, Do make sure that you’re going to be okay. I want to say, Okay, what I mean is that you’re not driving the car, it’s not hypnotic, by the way. But it’s better that you can really focus your attention on what we’re doing. But if you’re just listening to it, it’s fine. But if you want to get the most out of it, that’s more importantly, if you want to get the most out of it, just put some time aside to listen to it. But if you’re not just gonna listen to us as you’re walking, or you’re commuting or doing whatever, do then come back and, and just do that process again, cuz you really enjoy it. Anyway, I just wanted to mention that now. Anyway, back to the episode. So I’ve got this little process I’ve been working on.



And I want you



if you want to, you can use it for virtually anything.



Anything you’re having



an issue with, or



you want to be different about, maybe behave differently, maybe think differently? Or maybe it’s you don’t know the answer to something but you know, how you want the answer to be as in the way you want to address them. I’m not quite sure how or what the problem is. But I know how I want



to be while maybe like going to a meeting or something like that, you know, the issue is something like? Well,



it’s not necessarily unconfidence, because I’m pretty confident about things. But I just don’t feel confident in this particular area, or something like that. Or it could be just an issue, would you like to do that? Would that be of importance to you, of interest, to be able to understand something as the process, so I wanted to go through this process with you and explain it to you. And then if you’re up for it, we’ll actually go through it. But I want you to get a conscious understanding first what we’re doing. Because while I’m doing it, so covert thing here, which I’ll bring, well bring it overt now, as we explain it and understand it, you will actually start practicing it, because you can’t not start practicing, if that makes sense. But it won’t make sense until we do it would but let’s think. If you’re happy, I want to really assist a conversation between you and I, you’ve got this issue, you’ve got this issue.






this way is a very gentle way of changing things. I know I always like to go back to the cause. But this one sort of doesn’t. But it always keeps the intention. Because whatever you do and whatever you’re experiencing behind that will be a positive intention. whether things are good, that’d be a positive intention, or whether things aren’t so good. There will be an intention behind that. It’s just that it’s been lost along the way, or the behaviors and the feedback now inappropriate. And things need to change, but you want to keep the intention. And a lot of the intention of your unconscious mind is primarily about your safety. So we don’t want to lose that do we really want to be safe, I like to think of safety as being comfortable. Because if I’m comfortable in any situation, I know then I can access the type of state or states that I want to be in, I can access the information. I need to if I’m talking to somebody or I can access the behaviors, which would be most appropriate because I’m comfortable in me as it were. That to me is my safety mode just being comfortable. If you want to know what comfortable, really is, like, go way back, way back to well, effectively. It was the first podcast I ever did. Okay, there’s the introduction. But that was my introduction, isn’t it? But the very first podcast I ever did was all about being comfortable. And a wonderful way of dealing with anxiety and dealing with panic attacks and things like that. And my way of being comfortable was just being in a lovely Meadow on my birthday. Feeling the sunlight The warmth of the sun hearing the wind, just a breeze because there were all those wonderful weeping willows, and they were just swaying in the wind. And there’s a river, the river cam, you could just gently hear it just slapping a little bit. There were cows because there’s a meadow. So you could hear cows mooing as they move on just generally feeling. This is so nice. That for me is my cover. Anyway, if you want to do that, it’s hashtag two. And there’s also hypnosis track 2.1. But anyway, that’s beside the point now, because I want you to come with me,



let’s dive



easily into this. This nice, gentle process comfortable process of change. The very first thing we want to do is obviously bring your issue your problem to mind. Because I want you as if it was a mindmap, that would be the very center, this is the thing that I want to change. Now whether it’s like a presentation or whether it’s like speaking to somebody, whether it’s like, well, you need the context. But before we get the context,



I just want to know,



I want you to think you might want to get a book out to write the answers down. Or you can just just think it through. Just think it through as I’m just conversing with you. I want to know, I want to know why is important to you to be able to change this situation, to come away from this issue, to let go of this issue. To fix a problem. Why is it important? Say to yourself, why



is important to me to ‘X’ you fill in the blank. And just notice what comes up? So it could be I don’t know. So I get



get on better with my colleagues maybe? Or that one particular person, I don’t know, whatever the problem is, but just ask yourself and take a moment because it’s not a rushing thing. It’s just a conversation so let’s think generally. But specifically, generally. Why is this important to me to change? And then say, Well, okay, I get that. But why is that answer important to me? To change? Because if I get that, that would mean this, and then you go well, when you get that answer, why is that answer important to me? Now, why are we doing that? There’s another way. And the reason we’re doing that is because the second and third, are like removed answers, become more unconscious answers. answers, you’re not fully aware at the conscious level. And they can surprise you sometimes. And then you say to yourself, Well, okay. Why else is it important to me to let go of this issue? So why is it important to me to let go of the issue now? What would that mean to me? It’s not the change. So let it go. When you get that answer, just pop into your mind as it will do, so you say that is okay, I get that. Okay. So why is and repeat that sentence? Why is that important to me?



What will that get me? What does it mean to me to be able to have that?



Even add the words fully and completely if I had that fully and completely? Why is that important to me? And you’ll get another answer.



And then you go, Well, why is that important to me? You get the drift of this now? Yeah. Because again, three times removed. Now, if that was three times, why don’t we do it a third time? And is ask yourself, why is this important to me? And maybe another context? Or why is it important to me? as me? me as a person now not in that, that situation but for me as a person? How will it affect me? Why is that important to me when I have that solution? Get the answer. Just allow it to bubble up. This one you have to think about a little bit. But as you think about that immediately ask yourself and why is that important to me? Well, that gets me Well, I get better Feel. And why is that important? Again, three times removed. Now that you see, this is all about your, your motivation, your motivation consciously and unconsciously now, because we now see the real benefit of letting this situation go, or the issue, or changing the situation, or being able to adapt and be better be the way you want to be. But we’re not there yet. But unconsciously now, your unconscious mind can notice how much better it would be if you did change. And even as you say, each one of those, as I said, you’ve got to do the process, because I know that you’re probably just, even if it’s just a fraction, a flash, you will visualize it, that solution, that Why? Why is it important to each one, you will get a sense of it. And with that sense, you get an internal feeling, the feeling of the wish fulfilled? Now we’ve got that internal motivation to say, Well, why wouldn’t we change, because the issue doesn’t feel good. But the change is going to make so much of a difference to us. And it doesn’t matter how much of a difference is, is going to make a difference. And that positive difference has got to be better than the old way. So now haven’t got the why we’ve got to think, well hang on a minute. Let’s get a little bit more specific. Let’s go to the what. But as you think of this issue, I want you to ask inside. What is that positive intention of having this, this problem, this issue? Now we know it’s gonna be somewhere around safety. But there’ll be a different reason it might be protecting you from I don’t know, maybe failure, if there is such a thing as failure. I know a lot of people and I and me included would say, well, there is no failure. There’s only feedback. And that’s a presupposition of NLP, a useful assumption. Which is all very well and good unless you’re in the problem. And you think it’s a failure because it feels that way. But and that’s the real classic part of the conflict. It’s like your unconscious mind is protecting you from failure, or the feeling of failure if you actually did this thing. But by not doing it, you feel a failure? Or if it’s gonna save you from embarrassment, protect you from embarrassment, maybe, maybe that’s another reason. Yeah. When people ask you to do that thing, and you say, Oh, I can’t do it, you actually feel embarrassed? or embarrassed about doing it so automatically. Even though the positive intention is wonderful, because who wants to feel embarrassed who wants to get hurt? It doesn’t feel good and actually, I tend to find with my clients is the very thing that your unconscious mind is trying to protect you from is the resulting feeling that you have in the issue. So just ask yourself what, what is this issue about in the way that the intention behind it? What is it stopping me? But what is it protecting me from that’s a better way of putting it and then you think Well, actually, now if you just thought for a moment in time that okay maybe this protection type thing is let’s go from being embarrassed? Let’s just call it embarrassed, stop me feeling from being embarrassed even though I feel embarrassed not doing this thing.



What would it get me? How would it feel? How would it feel if I was totally comfortable knowing that I couldn’t be embarrassed



or knowing that I couldn’t get hurt or knowing that I couldn’t feel a failure. If I got that how do you think it might make you feel? You could feel it now couldn’t you? Just imagine, imagine, here is a lovely thing to do. Just imagine if you went to sleep tonight. and slept such a wonderful sleep and as you slept and you dreamed, something magical happens. And that magical thing is that this issue disappears. And you wake up in the morning, and you know, it’s disappeared. Because the reason you know it’s disappeared is because you’ve got completely the way you want to be. How would that feel inside? How would that feel inside? Just imagine it now, this is just imagination and you’ve got limitless imagination. So imagine, what would you see inside your head? What pictures would you make when you just knew that it’s gonna be okay. What would you hear? What would that internal voice be saying to you? What would that internal belief be?



When you know you’ve got it, you can do this. And you can do this and feel comfortable. Maybe you could taste that success, smell that success. And when you put all those things together, what it would feel like? Imagine that feeling coming now. Now, here’s the thing. When you feel that feeling, just for a moment now. You’re feeling you’ve still got that positive intention because this is the actual protection now. And you’re actually doing that thing that you weren’t doing. But you’re doing it in a way that you’re comfortable, which means you’re totally protected. And you can feel it, you can hear what you’d hear, see what you’d see. Just imagine now, spinning that feeling faster in the direction, that makes it even more intensely wonderful. Just imagine doing that? There’s nothing to worry about if you spin it the wrong way, you know, it doesn’t feel so good. So just reverse it. It’s as simple as that. And when you notice the color, make that color brighter, maybe you want to make it a rainbow,  so it has every color And as you do that. And this is the how, by the way. As you do that, let’s get really imaginative. and visualize it. Imagine and visualize, a you over there going through that context, that scenario of doing your issue the way you want it to be? So the issue is now a successful conclusion. A successful outcome. See yourself over there. And again, some people will say, Well, I can’t visualize Cloughie, well, I know you can. But it doesn’t matter. Just be aware that there’s you over there doing it. So it’s everything from awareness to 20/20 vision in this visualization process. Imagine it’s happening right now, over there. If there are other people involved, notice them, how they’re interacting with that you over there. And spin that feeling faster, brighter, you might want to make it warmer maybe. And as you do that, notice how that you over there is doing that successful outcome even better. And as you do that, I wonder what it would be like if you were just to go and be inside that you? What would that be like? So you could see what you’d see, hear what you’d hear, smell and taste that success. And actually feel the physiology of your body moving, your voice, the sound of your voice, the way your muscles move. And that real feeling of enjoyment, of the joy of being able to be so successful at this one particular thing, because it’s so important to you. And as you do that, I want you to ask this question. And you can shout it out loud in your head. “How can I keep this positive intention and find this better way? The solution? How can I access all these skills? these behaviors, these positive beliefs, these values, these wonderful emotions, all the skills that I know, how can I access them just like this. find a better way to keep this intention. This or something better.”  And as you do that, just leave that you over there and come back into your body. So you’re fully back in your body. And again, say how can I keep this positive intention, find a better way to get that solution, this or something better. And as you do that, spinning that feeling  faster,






imagine that old picture that you had of that



old problem,



just disappearing. Now getting further and further away, all the way to the horizon, the further it goes away, the smaller gets. And the smaller it gets, the darker it gets. The further it goes, the darker it gets, the smaller it gets until it disappears.



And then



we haven’t finished. What Cloughie we haven’t finished?



no, Cuz you see. That’s all lovely, lovely. All lovely. But guess what? Sometimes life happens, and we get a few obstacles. So we’ve got a what if? What if something was to happen that we weren’t? That wasn’t there? Now, how’d you do that? Well, first of all, I want you to remember those five keys to success. What are they? Well, if you’re new, I’m going to go over them for you. And a few have been here for some time. You may have listened to them before, but you may need to re-remember them if they’re such a word is re-remember. So I’ll remember them for you.



The first one is, know your outcome. Well, we know that now because we know that not the issue. We’ve actually seen the outcome, how you want to be, That issue has disappeared. So you know your outcome, how you want to be, the solution, the successful solution. And as you do that, knowing that you’re going to use all those wonderful beliefs and values, emotions and behaviors. I want you to imagine and ask your unconscious mind to take intuitive action towards that goal towards that successful completion. Because this is a strategy, and as you take that massive intuitive action because you just know it feels right. You can open up your awareness. This is a third, third key, open up your awareness to make sure that you’re on track that you’re heading towards that, that goal because sometimes we go off track, if you’re an airplane, I know you’re not but if you were an airplane, the only two times that you are in the right direction is when you take off. And when you land, everything else is a matter of adjustment. Adjusting because of the winds because of things that are happening, adjusting to coming back onto that flight plan. So you arrive in the right place to have the awareness of knowing if something comes up. You can access the skill you need, the experiences, the knowledge that you have. And to be able to adapt to move around it over it, see it for what it is, deal with it. Because you’ve got that wonderful positive belief, you know where you’re going, you’ve got that massive intuitive action that you’re going to keep on doing. But you’re aware now, and you’re making adjustments as you go along. And as you bring that, that visualization to mind of what how you were in that solution, you will have the psychology and physiology of excellence, the acting as if you act as if you’ve already got the solution, you have got that physiology, you’ve got that positive mindset that will direct you towards your goal. That outcome with massive intuitive action, being aware of where you are, where you’re going, how far you’ve come. But also that one bit I missed out between that awareness and that physiology is being flexible. That’s the fourth key. The fourth key is being flexible enough to change with that fifth key of physiology. And that mindset.



Now then



if you wanted to your unconscious mind, could visualize this out to see yourself. And again, you’ll see yourself in in little glimpses now because I want your unconscious mind to go through the scenario of taking that massive intuitive action along the way. But notice that you over there who is going through this process always keeps the big picture in mind what’s the big picture the final solution? The goal, the aim where you’re headed for over there, they keep that big picture in mind. But as they do that they also have in mind, the small steps, you’re taking those intuitive steps, those steps of awareness, that flexibility. And notice how that you over there comes to maybe a little problem, a little thing that comes in the way. Notice has, as they keep that big picture in mind, they can find a way past that obstacle. Because they’ve got that mindset. They’ve got that motivation, they bring together the whys. why it’s so important for you, and what it means to you. So they can find all the energy all the experience all the learnings. But it’s just right for you. All the time, holding the big picture in mind all the time holding those small baby steps as little steps along the way. Spinning that feeling faster or faster. Keeping that positive intention in the forefront of your unconscious mind. And notice as that you over there gets closer to the end. How good they feel because they feel good every step of the way. This is not a journey, this is a wonderful adventure of feeling wonderful. Always knowing you’re fully protected, you’re comfortable, this or something better. Notice, as this all just disappears inside, I want your unconscious mind to know they can generalize this strategy into other areas of your life. So it can use this wonderful feeling whenever it needs to, it can evolve it, it can find other areas of your life that it could, this could form part of a successful strategy. Because good things generalize into all areas of your life, you never know how far the ripples of change go, you know that. So when you make this change now, then you’ll never know but you will know. You won’t know now how far the ripples of change will go. But when you experience them in different areas of your life, different contexts, you’ll suddenly go Hey,



Cloughie, he was right. I was different. Now, here’s the thing. Now I know you haven’t done anything differently. We’ve just been talking. But I’ve been talking to the both of each and every one of you.



That is consciously and unconsciously if you were now. What happens when you think of the old issue? how determined I am to resolve it, solve it, you know how to? Or is it? Does it still exist? Does it even, do you even think about it as being an issue, or  has that feeling completely disappeared right






Because the harder you look for it, the further disappears, because of all of the work we’ve just done. And isn’t it amazing? How just in conversation that you can listen to me and think of these things, and resolve this issue now, to be different. And I wonder, here is the last part of it. And this is for your conscious mind if your conscious mind was to think out now. What new opportunities



might you



take on May you notice? Because you’ve resolved this problem right now. Make a note of those. Because if you just go Oh, is this, this and this? Guess what those little wishes can disappear. Write them down, make a note on your phone. I make my notes in Evernote. I do them on my notepad. I do them on my rocket book. I do them in my journals all over the place. In fact, I do them. I’ve been thinking about this over. I’ll probably talk to you about this again. But I’d need to keep a special book for these types of things, these wonderful things. So when I look back over them, I go wow, yes, I’ve got it again. And I just reinforce that feeling again and again. Because that’s all you have to do is reinforce it right now. So, my friend, I hope you like that conversation. Yeah, yeah, I thought you would I thought you would. And I enjoyed thinking about that. I thought about it quite deeply before I did it. I went through those steps to make,



just to



think of how can I develop a process for you that you can use whenever you want. And guess what? If you did that process, and it didn’t work, you’ve lost nothing anyway. you’re just the same as you were, but you won’t be because the old Cloughie sort of guarantees. You cannot not change just by going through that. So if you wanted to go through it again, just rewind, notice where it starts, well let’s start at the beginning reason. But also, I’m thinking about putting this into a, like a hypnosis track. That’s why I mentioned hypnosis tracks earlier, at the beginning, there was, there was a reason for that. But I’ll be probably doing a hypnosis track separate to this. And then you can have it just whenever you need it. it won’t very long, it doesn’t need to be long does it? Because you’re already primed, in some ways, because you’ve listened to this haven’t we. And your unconscious mind has been listening to me more than probably you realize now. How easy it is to change. I hope you enjoyed every bit of that. And I like to think that when you actually start to review, say in a few day’s time, how that issue has disappeared.



I’d love you to let me know how? Well, not necessarily how about how you’ve changed how you notice a change.



I’d love you to send me emails, as so many of you do. Just let me know how these things have affected you in wonderful ways. And maybe in ways that you didn’t imagine they would it To start off with, like when I say the ripples of change go in so many places. I always remember, I can’t remember if I’ve told you this. But I remember not too long ago, a little while ago, I worked with this young lady. And she had this phobia of loud noises, mainly things like fireworks and things like that. And we were sitting in my little clinic, and I had my little bit of music going. I even had a candle I’m not whoo whoo la la I just like a candle on now again. This sets the scene comfortable. I was thinking and I said it out loud. Where do you hear the noises? so peaceful where we live here? And she said, Paul, haven’t you noticed that virtually every party you go to now and I go to a lot of parties because he was really saying I’m a little bit younger than you Paul, right? That was okay. Because my parties don’t have fireworks, they probably have alcohol. But that’s it. There’s too much information again. She said most parties, I go to have fireworks. If you notice you can buy fireworks any day of the week. She said where we live in the summertime because we live by the coast. Every Saturday night. There are fireworks on the clifftops because it’s for the holidaymakers. If you go to Disney, places like that, what do they have? Every evening? Bloody fireworks. And I know I’m getting it, there’s quite a lot of noise around really, isn’t it? There’s quite a lot of things like this. He said, I just feel totally out of control. totally out of control. So So okay, when we did the work. And she phoned me up a little while ago, a little while after, and said, well, the big test comes full, because tonight I’m going to that party. And I know there’s gonna be fireworks out and I’m feeling a little bit nervous. And I said to her, Well, you will feel nervous because everyone does especially with a phobia because when you have to test your phobia, the only way you can test it is by facing that little fear as it were. And the fear is Did it work? Because as I said, there’s always that little bit of concern. So don’t worry about that’s normal. But just remember when you walk through that concern, you’ll notice it’s imagined. And she said, Okay, well, I’m gonna go for it Paul Anyway, I’m going for it even with that little bag and said, I’m going to the party, and I’m going to have a good time. I feel I’ve got I’m excited to go. She said, Well, I got the phone call back the following day. And it was so quick after like because it was the following day, I wondered what the hell had happened. And she said, Hey, Paul, I can’t believe it. She said the party was wonderful. Yeah, even my boyfriend was watching and he said I couldn’t believe how you could just watch those fireworks having seen you before. She said but that’s wonderful. But it’s not as good as the change I’ve noticed in the week before. though, since we’ve been working and I said, What do you mean? Because we worked on phobias, you know,



out of control.



I said, Yeah, I



remember you saying you were out of control. And I did mention one or two other areas of your life where the ripples of change would go into what I can’t believe is at work now, where I used to be a little bit nervous talking to people, I am so much in control of myself. And because I’m in control of myself, I feel so comfortable, because we talked about feeling comfortable. And I’ve taken that comfort. And I’m just comfortable in those situations at work where I never used to be, I feel so in control. And because of that, I can communicate properly. I don’t say things that I go go away. And or I used to go away and say, wish I’d said that. She’s I say things. And people go, wow. And they appreciate my communication. They appreciate my connection, my contribution. And because of that, I’m feeling more confident. And because of that, people get more comfortable around him because of that, and it just goes on Paul. And that’s what happens, phobias and things like that are not really the issue. They are just the effect that you notice. They’re their significant emotional events that you, you really notice. But the ripples of change go so far and wide. And that’s what happened here, I think. So I’d love to know how far and wide your ripples of change go right now. So if you could you can email me feedback at personal development unplugged.com. Now, you know, that’s totally safe, you will not get any other spammy stuff from me or from anybody else. Occasionally you will get well you certainly get a reply, personal reply from me, no one else but me. And if you want, you can then get the newsletter, I do one, it’s not really well, it’s sort of regular, but not really regular. It’s about monthly-ish, where I give you an idea of what’s been happening. Because you see, I’m now putting every now and again, a transcription now of one of the previous longer podcasts might do one of this. But it takes a bit of time for it to come through. And then I have to edit it. And then I it’s amazing how voice recognition can get the most difficult words, but it can never get Cloughie. I don’t know why never gets that so I’m going to have to edit it that if I do that. But I’ve been then putting them back on to the show notes. So I tell you which ones I’ve put in. So if you want to read it. And sometimes people like reading the spoken word as it were because it comes in a different format, isn’t it. And we learn differently because we will perceive things differently. And also, the other thing about that way is that once you’ve got it once and you’ve listened to it, you tend to get it. So when you read it again, or you listen to these podcasts again, you’ll get more out of them because you’ve got a foundation of knowledge. So, therefore, you can listen to this newly and pick up new stuff. So I do advise, you know, I’d always suggest rather than have a listen to the episodes that maybe you found it a little bit confusing, or you didn’t quite get or it wasn’t quite for you and have a listen to again, also listen to the ones that really did get you did get things from and notice what extra you get from them. I know I do this with myself, sometimes I’m struggling to read something or I’m listening to something this time or just not getting there. But then I think, I wonder and it’s a lovely question to ask, I wonder what if I stick with this? What can I learn? What can I notice? Nine times out of 10 boom! I get something from that. Then I get a little notebook out and then we’re off. We’re off again and generally, you get to hear about it too



through one of these episodes. I hope you enjoyed your time with me, I know your time is valuable. I do appreciate you spending the time with me and spending the time putting those emails to me. So if you would just stay on, stay on the line. Stay with me just for a little bit longer because I just want to say a few more words about what would really help this podcast grow. And also the products that I have and can make a massive difference to your life.


Transcribed by https://otter.ai