Unshakeable You -ReBuilding Self-Esteem

Part 1

In this eye-opening episode, we’re taking a good, hard look at self-esteem and the journey towards discovering your true worth. I’m your host, Paul Clough, and together we’ll uncover what self-esteem really means and the far-reaching effects that low self-esteem can have on our lives.

We’ll dive into the dangers of low self-esteem, like the constant search for external validation and the crippling negative self-talk that often comes along for the ride. I’ll also share a personal experience where my own self-esteem was put to the test, and how I managed to rebuild my confidence and find true self-acceptance.

This episode is all about helping you reflect on your own moments of confidence and recognise the power of acknowledging your achievements, no matter how small. It’s time to understand that you are worthy, even if you’ve forgotten it for a while.

We’ll be packing this episode with real insights and a bit of encouragement to remind you that you’ve got everything you need within you. It’s about taking those small steps towards reigniting your inner flame and fully embracing who you are.

And don’t miss part two, where we’ll dive even deeper into actionable steps to help you tap into your core self-esteem and make that inner light shine brighter than ever!

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https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/432-unshakeable-you-rebuilding-self-esteem-part-1

Shine Brightly 🌟

Paul

Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you’ve enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com.

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Stay tuned, and keep shining brightly. ✨

Music Credits

Music by Wataboi, DreamHeaven, ccjmusic, and others from Pixabay.

And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism

This podcast is divided into two parts because I get overwhelmed easily

Hey, my friends, before I do the real introduction to this podcast. When I did it, when I recorded it, I didn’t realize how long it was going to be. So I was split it up into two. Part one and part two, which is a good thing to do, or A and a B and I’m not going to leave them for a week apart. I’m going to do one after the other. But I wanted to break it down into manageable chunks. It’s always good to have chunks of things that we can really get into digest without getting overwhelmed. Because I get overwhelmed really easily. So I’ve broken it into two parts about how we can really understand what self esteem and low self esteem is. Two stories, the pitfalls and then going on to how to rebuild, rekindle what you really want to have as self esteem. So that’s what I’m gonna do. So have a listen knowing there’s two parts, but really get ready for the second part, which will come after the first part.

Paul Unplugged talks about low self esteem and how to rebuild it

Okay, so here we go. Hey, my friend. Welcome back to the Luner podcast with me, Paul Unplugged. Unplugged. Welcome to my unplugged M mind. And I want to talk about self esteem, low self esteem and the back. And really, call the episode the journey to self worth. Because that’s what we are. We’re worth more. Well, whatever you think you are, you’re worth more than that. You are, really. And I want to go through what is self esteem so we can understand a little bit about it. And what is low self esteem more than anything else? What are the pitfalls? What do we experience? Then I want to get into the house how we can bring back our, self esteem. It’s about rebuilding. Cause you haven’t lost it. Not just you’re just not accessing all those bits of the good parts of you. They’ve been knocked out. Haven’t they been knocked out? I’ll tell you a story about how mine was really shaken. And that’s why I’ve called it a little bit like the unshakable you. Because we’re gonna get back and we’re gonna look at the ways to really shine and feel like we’re shining, have that fire in our belly. And I love to think of inside me there’s a candle and there’s a candle which shines brighter and brighter. And the More it shines. The more I share, the more I love life. Yeah, that’s where we’re going. I hope that’s of interest.

Self esteem really is when you believe in you, isn’t it

M what is self esteem? Well, self esteem really is when you believe in you, isn’t it? That’s when it’s working, when it’s, when you’ve got your self esteem, it’s you totally believe in you, that’s it. But when it’s low. Oh my, oh my. You can be so critical of yourself, can’t you? In fact, you’re always critical of yourself. You’re always judging yourself, aren’t you? And we’re focusing on the negatives. Nothing more than focusing on the negatives. We don’t accept anybody’s compliments ca because they can’t be right, can they? Doesn’t feel right because I don’t feel like I deserve compliments, do I? I just don’t feel deserving. I’m not worth it, not good enough. And they’re the limiting beliefs that we make up about ourselves. I’m not good enough, shouldn’t be here. Who am I to think ye. And it’s that feeling of not deserving. Does that resonate? Where do you feel it? Where do you feel it? In your body or. If you do feel so good, think about times in the past one just a little bit when you didn’t. I like you to know the difference and then stay in that really good self worth. But if you haven’t got it at the moment, we’re going to go to places where you had confidence in yourself because I know you did. There are times in the past when you were truly confident and it doesn’t have to be in the genre, the context that you feel feel your self esteem is the lowest because self confidence is self bloody confidence. And when you’re doing those things and you’re, well, you just do them. You don’t think about being confident and you certainly don’t think about being unconfident because you just do them. But because we do them so naturally we don’t give ourselves credit and we don’t look at the beliefs that we have in those times. I told you I was going to tell you a little story how these things can really affect us and how we make up beliefs. You see, I was a long time ago in a different life, I call it a different life because it was not doing this type of work, it was in a different career and I was flying. I was pretty good. I was flying. And somehow or other the politics of business Come and bit me on the bum. Been used to a family company and it was t my family, but I felt like family. It felt like family. It was just one of those wonderful little companies. It wasn’t that small, but it was just so good. And then somehow we got taken over. Things didn’t go quite so well, but still I was buzzing to be able to save jobs, move on, still moving on. Then the politics came in and somehow, somehow I got accused of stuff which was totally fictitious and false. But I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t fight something. As if it just took me away at the knees. Couldn’t fight. So I walked away. I knew I couldn’t win and it felt the right thing to do, to walk away. But what I didn’t realize was that confidence that I had left me. In a moment he just disappeared. And there I was sitting at home, had a family to support, didn’t have a job, thought I’HAVE a career. And I went through the motions, went through the motions of looking. And some friends and colleagues would contact me and say, look, Paul, Paul, Paul Cloughie I got a lovely, I got a job for you. All you’ve got to do is go for the interview. You’ll get it, it’s right for you. And even people calling me, it’s not a full time job, but come and do this for me. And each time I just said, no, I can’t do that. That’s not me. Now, three months before that I could have done it on my head, but there was nothing I felt I could do. And everything was, you know, there was like a big pity party going on and I was one of it. I was the main instigator of that pity party. Cause it just didn’t feel like I could do anything. I just couldn’t put myself out there anymore. My self esteem was the lowest, one other TY1 time, one of the lowest points in my life. And it was only a colleague that I now call a friend. Didn’t realize how good a friend he was. Mike B. He knows who he is. I don’t suppose he listened to this, but if he did, if he does, it’s Mike B. He made me. He said, I’ve organized something for you. You are going to go and see this person. Yes. It’s not a job that you are used to, but I know you can do it on standing on your head. And I’ve had a chat with them. They know a little bit about what’s going on. They know You’re a little bit unconfident now. You’ve been rocked. But you’re going, you’re going to that interview and you’re gonna do that job and they’re my friends and they’re gonna look after you. And I did, didn’t like it, but I did. And that’s what I needed because I flew after that. And once I flew a few years later I started doing this type of stuff. And a few years later I started doing this type of stuff more than the other stuff and never looked back. But it took some, someone else to believe in me a little bit more. Yeah, that was my story. And now am I happy as Larry? I could be happier.

What are the pitfalls of having low self esteem? Being shakeable

Everyone could be a little bit happier. I’m always working on myself. But that low self esteem now that’s not there. Cause I know, I know how wrong it was. But at the time it felt so right. So if you’re, if you are a little bit low, you. My storyies is two extremes of being so low and then really finding a new way. And that’s what’s possible. Because I ain’t anything special, no way. You know, I’ve not got this rags to riches and things like that. No, I’m not that. It’s just, I’m just, I’d like to say normally, but I like to be a little bit uncommon. I’d love to go that way. But anyway, it’s possible. So here’s the thing. Let’s have a look at the pitfalls. so what’s the pitfalls of having low self esteem? Being shakable. What are the pitfalls? Well, we’re always seeking external validation, but again we don’t accept it. Now who is the only person really that you respect? There may be a mentor, there may be someone close, but really who. Because even them’saying yeah, you could do this. Doesn’t always work, does it? Who do you really take notice of? It’s yourself, isn’t it? It’s internal validation. Noticing your life is changing or noticing. Because what happens is when we have this filter of I’m not good enough, I don’t feel good, I’ve got no confidence. When we’ve got that filter. That’s all we bloody see in our life. We see all the things that aren’t going well or we perceive as not going well and we perceive how, how unworthy we are, how not good enough we areus. That is just a lens that we’re looking through and we need to Clean that bloody lens. Change it. I did a lovely. I just thought about this. I did a lovely metaphor, I can’t remember a metaphor. I did a series of metaphors, on longer podcasts. And it’s all about, I think a frog or a toad. Frog. I think it was a frog on a jumping contest. But it talks about changing your lenses and your perception. So maybe have a little look for that. if I can find what it is, I’ll try to add it into the show notes. But here’s the thing you can do just is a little tip.

The other pitfall of having low self esteem is negative self talk

By the way, I, like to do the tips later. But I want to have a quick one now. Cause I’ve made it. I just thought about it. I’ve talked about having a field book, have a little notebook. Maybe you could use your phone. And then write it down. Always write these things down. Because it feels so differently, it. Your brain wides differently when you write it down. But get it down somehow first. But when you notice something that was good at that time and you really have to look for it, even if you have to sit down at the end of the day and say, forget everything else. But what did go well? What did I enjoy? What did I succeed at? One little thing doesn’t that to be big? One little thing. Because I call it a tip. But what happens is it’s like a domino rally. And you start looking for the good things, the things that you did do well. Even if it’s only turning up to something, even it’s only speaking to somebody, even it’s only doing one thing, one small stepus. That’s what it’s all about. It’s a tip. And it’s a tipping point. And it’s like a domino rally. Another metaphor I love to use. It’s domino rallies, by the way. Have you ever seen them? They don’t start with the big one and try to push that over. Cause it’s too fucking big. It’s a small one, just a little one. And that tips over onto the next one which could be the same size or a little bigger. And that tips on to the next one. And then the momentum starts and then there’s nothing that can stop this domino rally as long as there’s not too big a jump. Remember that because we’re working our way. Small steps, little increments. And then the speed and the motivation. Wow. So it’s just a little, And you’re goingn say to me, oh cluy. What is that really? What could happen when you write a few things down. Yes, it can and yes it will. And then, yes, it does. And then we have that. The other pitfall of having low self esteem. We talk to ourselves in such a horrible, negative way, don’t we? You know, we, we berate ourselves. And, maybe you don’t think you do because you don’t think that you’re talking to yourself, but you are. You’re listening to it. Because self talk is still a set of thoughts, doesn’t it? Be words. Remember, communication comes in so many different ways. But we, let’s just call it negative self talk. That little voice inside us and that negative self talk could even come in the guise of. Yeah, you can’t do that. Who the hell are you? Who am I? Who am I to do that? What will people think? Can’t, do that. Which is exactly what I had in that really low time. But think, think about this. Would you talk to your best friend like that? No, you bloody well wouldn’t. No, you wouldn’t. You’d support them, you Cudjoe them, you’d cuddle them. I want toa talk about this a little bit more. When we talk about building and rebuilding, when we start doing the hows. I’ve given you a couple. I’m doing the how already. I don’t want to do the house. I want to do the house later. But that’s a little how. Just think about yourself Talk first. Just think about it. Would I talk to my best friend like that? Because your best friend is you. There’s no other bugger around really. The end of the day, there’s only you and, me in your head, by the way, but there’s only you.

Look for things which uplift you in your heart, that are inspiring

And the other pitfall in this modern age when we’ve got all this time because we’re not doing stuff because we don’t feel like we can. What do we do? We sit on that bloody social media and we look at everybody else doing all the wonderful things they do in such a confident way with that big smile on their face. And, we don’t realize that those people are showing off their show reels. They’ve practiced it so much just for the likes, just for the listens, just for the whatever. And, most of that is so fake. They’re hiding behind the social media. But if you’re gonna listen to social media, absolutely fine. But go to things which are inspiring, uplifting, where it shows people of service and creating change. Because if you can give a little bit of service without want of return, man, you got It. So look, if you’re going to do social media and your social feeds, get off all the stuff that is, you know, all the glossy stuff, but look for things which uplift you in your heart, that are inspiring you. Sometimes they make you cry. They make me cry sometimes when I’m looking and going, man, that is so nice. So caring people. Are, you doing things for other people that make the difference? Not the ones which are formulated and things like that, but the ones that are true. So go and find things like that. If you’re gonna watch social media, they’re the ones to look for. Get off the restuse. That’s a pitfall. So they are the pitfalls at the moment. They’re the ones I came up with. Can you think of a few more yourself? What are your pitfalls? What are the things that are happening to you that you know in your heart aren’t supporting you? Because the thing is, if they’re not bloody supporting you, dump the buggers. Okay? That’s the thing. So how can we do that? This is the how. Okay, so we’re really gonna do the how on the part two. So I want to give you a bit of time, as I said before at the beginning, to process, process the things we’ve talked about, the thoughts you have, to allow you to muse unconsciously and consciously about where we’re going to go in part two, where we start to put processes together, things to do that will allow you to access that, core self esteem that you have, rekindling who you really are so you can feel so good about yourself in such a wonderful way. Okay? So have a process and I’ll see you. Be with you in part two.

Paul Clough advises leaving personal development unplugged

Warning. You are now leaving the unplugged mind of Paul Clough. It’s time to fly on your own. Be brave, my friend.

Personal development unplugged.