Finding Your Way: When You Feel Lost in Life
Have you ever quietly said to yourself, “I’ve lost my way”?
Not necessarily out loud. Just inside your own mind.
That feeling that somehow you’ve become disconnected from where you’re going, who you’re becoming, or even who you really are.
In this deeper dive episode, Paul explores a personal experience of feeling lost after making significant changes in life and identity. What emerged was a surprising realisation: perhaps we don’t lose our way at all. Perhaps we simply lose connection with the part of ourselves that already knows the way.
This episode explores the uncomfortable space between who you’ve been and who you’re becoming, why that space can feel like grief, and how looking outside yourself for answers often keeps you stuck.
Most importantly, you’ll experience a guided hypnosis and visualisation process designed to help you reconnect with your future self, discover your inner direction, and uncover the next small step on your journey.
Because maybe your path isn’t something you find.
Maybe it’s something you feel.
IN THIS EPISODE
• Why feeling lost often follows personal growth and change
• The hidden link between identity and feeling directionless
• Why searching for answers outside yourself can make things worse
• The difference between finding a thing and following a direction
• How your future self may already know the next step
• Using emotion to communicate with your unconscious mind
• Why purpose is often discovered through feeling rather than logic
• A guided hypnosis process to reconnect with your inner compass
KEY TAKEAWAYS
✓ Feeling lost doesn’t mean you’ve lost your way.
✓ Identity shifts can temporarily create uncertainty and confusion.
✓ Your future self can provide guidance when your conscious mind feels stuck.
✓ Direction often appears before the destination becomes clear.
✓ Purpose is experienced through alignment and feeling, not just thinking.
✓ Small steps create clarity far more effectively than endless searching.
QUOTE FROM THE EPISODE
“You don’t have to have the whole plan. You don’t need the perfect map. Your future self doesn’t hand you the whole journey. It simply nudges you, one step at a time.”
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
• Have I really lost my way, or have I simply lost connection with myself?
• What parts of my identity am I currently letting go of?
• What feeling am I truly seeking in my future?
• If my future self could guide me today, what small step would it suggest?
• Am I searching for answers outside myself that may already exist within?
CALL TO ACTION
If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who may be feeling uncertain about their direction in life.
https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/485-finding-your-way-when-you-feel-lost-in-life
And if there is a subject you’d like explored in a future episode, email:
feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com
Together we’ll keep exploring, learning, and evolving.
Until next time…
Have more fun than you can stand.
Shine Brightly 🌟
Paul
Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you’ve enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com.
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Music Credits
Music by Wataboi from Pixabay,
Music by DreamHeaven from Pixabay,
Music by ccjmusic from Pixabay,
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Music by prazkhanal from Pixabay.
Music by will |Marshall from will marshall.
And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism
Hey friend, hope you’re doing well and welcome to this longer, deeper dive. And we had the FMQ, the seed of freedom versus structure, freedom or structure. But maybe that’s the wrong question.
Maybe I’m asking the wrong question. Maybe a better question might be, how do I create a life that feels free without becoming lost? Okay, something to think about here straight away. If I gave you complete freedom tomorrow, what would you do? There’s no schedule, no obligations, no one telling you what to do.
Sounds wonderful doesn’t it? Maybe you can feel it, feel what that would feel like, complete freedom. Just imagine what you’d see, hear, feel. Yeah, but just think for a moment.
What happens on day three? What happens when no one’s asking anything from you? What happens when there’s no deadlines, no structure, no bloody routine? Yeah, didn’t think of that did we? I mean, me personally, I’ve been really wrestling with this. You know, this has been deep inside with my puzzle books and all that thing. Been struggling, wrestling, trying to get a grip of it.
You see, for years, I really wanted freedom. In fact, every client of mine, when I ask them, what do you really want? They say, I just want to be free Paul, I want freedom. But the thing is, when I got closer to it, I found something surprising, and so did they.
You see, I tell you what, let’s do a little bit of exploration, the first part of our dive. So take a deep breath, and let’s explore this myth. I’m going to call it a myth of freedom.
You see the dream? We’ve all got it, we’ve all had it, haven’t we? No alarm clocks. Oh dear. No obligations.
You don’t have to do anything. No one’s telling you what to do, because there’s no restrictions. You have a total choice in all of this now.
Total choice, oh my. But then, what’s the reality of that? What is the reality? Maybe too many choices? Hmm. Too many choices, oh wow.
Because when you have too many choices, guess what? No direction, is there? There’s no momentum. I feel disconnected. I feel stuck.
Can you get that? Can you feel that? That’s the way I was feeling. I was feeling stuck because of all these things I started to look at. Feel it with me.
Now you see, I have been doing a lot of work lately on myself. You see, my roles have been changing. I’ve been deeply into a lot of work with therapy, and I’m starting to just ease that out a bit now.
Not doing quite so much. There’s a lot of activities I have been doing, and I’ve decided to say, well, no, actually, I’m going to push them away. I’m going to change.
And so they dropped off. And because of that, I got space. It started to appear to me.
And you see, here’s the thing. I look forward to it. I did.
Because space, to me, is precious. And it sounded so wonderful, until I found I was standing right in the middle of too much space. There’s just too much of it.
You see, what I found out was, freedom without direction can start to feel surprisingly like being lost. I’m going to repeat that, because that started to really get inside me. Freedom without direction can start to feel surprisingly like feeling lost.
Let’s go deeper. We’ve done that a little bit. Let’s go even deeper now.
You see, maybe it isn’t freedom versus structure. This is where we started. This is where I started.
It’s a bit of a false choice, really. Because that’s what I’m thinking. Maybe it isn’t freedom versus structure.
Maybe that was the wrong question I was asking myself. In fact, that’s what I’ve been asking you. Maybe, instead, I ought to have been asking, what type of support allows me to be free? What type of support allows me to be free? Because that was a good question, wasn’t it? You see, when you think of structure, and this is what I did, I began to think of restriction, rules, pressure, obligation.
That was stuff I used to have sometimes, but it’s too much now. When I think about it now, having structure, it’s too much restriction, too many rules. The pressure was on, and there was an obligation.
But here’s the thing, not all structure is control. Because some structure allows you, gives you support. Here’s a couple of weird examples.
You know, riverbanks create flow. They’re in a pond, they’re in a lake that just sits there. Sitting there’s good, but we want flow, creative flow.
Music is made of scales, isn’t it? Because without those scales and notes, and the structure of that, we wouldn’t have music. Sometimes you need a frame around a painting to make it stand out. Because if you think about it now, and I started to think about it, it’s as if everything has a structure, a strategy, and it has a strategy that it follows.
And they’re the things that started to make me think. You see, without that structure, the bloody thing disappears, isn’t it? You see, freedom doesn’t flourish in chaos. And I think that’s what happens when we have freedom.
Sometimes, you know, you can hear the chaos going on because things are too free. Freedom flourishes when it has something to grow through, feeling alive. Think about that again.
Freedom flourishes when it has something to grow through. Yeah. Let’s play.
Let’s play for a moment. Think about, and you want to close your eyes, you can, or you can just daydream it with me. Think about a time in your life when things felt really good.
Maybe you can just bring to mind something of the past when things just felt really good. What was present regularly in those times when life was really good? What was present? What habits happen naturally? What are those natural triggers that just, you just did it. And again, what routines helped you without feeling restricted? You know, you had a routine, but you just loved it.
Imagine which one or which of those, not just the one, which of those felt really supportive in creating this life and which felt creating. No, I didn’t mean creating. Which felt controlling.
Yeah. Because this is the first insight. Not all structures are equal, are they? Each time in your life when you felt really good, they were slightly different, but slightly the same, weren’t they? So let’s have a, let’s have a little think.
And if you didn’t close your eyes, maybe you want to close your eyes this time. And if you did close your eyes, you may want to keep them closed, but make sure it’s safe to do so. You know that.
And this is just remembering a visualization. So it’s not hypnosis, but it’s great to be able to focus on you. Take the distractions away.
Give yourself some time. Give yourself the present of time. So just for a moment, I want you to imagine tomorrow.
Not even the most productive of days. Just a good day. Yeah, just a good day.
What is a good day for you? What are the anchors that create a good day? Maybe it’s that morning reflection. For me, that’s journaling. Maybe it’s just spending time in the open, walking.
That freedom of just walking. Having time to maybe think or listen. Maybe it’s time when you put aside to be creative.
An old puzzle book comes to mind. Thoughts, dreams. What about exercise? Maybe exercise, the movement.
What about, there’s another one, reading or learning. What about when you record your ideas? Maybe you can identify even more. But maybe three just come to mind.
As being, maybe more prevalent in this good day. I’ll repeat them. Morning reflection, walking, creative time, exercise, reading.
Maybe just recording your ideas. Just whatever comes to mind now. You see, these anchors are not a schedule, are they? They’re not written down.
They’re not a rule. They’re an anchor, a trigger. You see, a rule tells you off when you miss it.
It’s there to, you know, you have to, have to, have to. But an anchor helps you return. Takes you away from drifting.
And that’s a beautiful distinction, I think. See, I want those type of anchors in my life. And I want those type of anchors in your life that just create a wonderful good day.
Because when we’re having good days, I just get, and imagine that. Good days getting better and better. So just allow those anchors to be present in your life.
And maybe when you do open your eyes, you’ll make a note of them. Or maybe take some time to think about them even deeper. So open your eyes.
Have a little look around. Take a deep breath. And we’re back.
We’re back in the present. And I want to be real now. Let’s be real.
Real life. Let’s explore where all this appears. You see, what happens to creativity when you have too much freedom? I think we never create when we’ve got too much freedom.
And I don’t. I find I waste time. Because there’s no, there’s no nothing.
There’s no pull. There’s no desire. Because of too much.
But then again, if I structure, I’m going to be creative right now. Well, to me, creative or creativity just dies. It disappears.
It just evaporates. And then I get frustrated. What about your health? Think about this.
Your health. When you’ve got too much freedom, what happens? I’ll tell you what happens. You do bugger all.
You let things slide. I know I do. And I’m sure I’m not the only one.
Maybe I’m the only bloody one. Maybe it’s just cluffy. But you can’t fool yourself.
But what happens with your health if if there’s too much control? I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to do that. I’ve got to put this in.
I’ve got to go to the gym. I’ve got to burn out, isn’t it? Burnout. There’s too much.
Think about your relationships now. When you have too much freedom in a relationship, disconnection happens, doesn’t it? That closeness just disappears. But if there’s too much control, we have to do this, you have to do that.
Nothing is spontaneous. Too much control is in suffocation. We feel like we’re tied in, we’re bonded.
I can’t move. I suffocate. I can’t breathe in this relationship now.
Take a moment, just for a moment, and be intuitive. This is a weird question I’ll ask you. Maybe you need to reflect on it.
Maybe you want to just write it down. But where in your life are you mistaking support for restriction? It’s a weird question, isn’t it? But it’s an interesting one. Because support doesn’t have to be restriction.
Let’s get realer. I love the term. Make it more better.
Let’s get more realer. You see, I want to get you from this thinking, it’s either this or either that. Because it’s not.
You see, I don’t think you need more discipline. I really don’t. Sometimes you just need the right environment.
Creating that right environment. Because so many people, maybe it’s me again, just forcing ourselves to do things. Forcing creating the life that we want.
I know on personal development we say one percent more, one percent more, one percent more. But sometimes we just need a little bit of freedom. Because forcing isn’t freedom, is it? It’s not.
But the thing is, and this is what gets me, again a personal thing, a drift. And drifting isn’t freedom either. Because I look back and I go, bugger.
If only I should have, I could have, and all that stuff. We always have those things, don’t we? Or is that just me? You see, real freedom, I believe anyway, comes from setting your intention. What’s important to you and what you want to achieve.
That’s setting intention, isn’t it? And setting your intention is a choice, isn’t it? You choose what you want to achieve. And that to me gives me a support. It’s a lovely support.
It’s a comforting support. It feels real. There’s no pressure in it.
Because I’m choosing. Choosing what would be good, what would be right, what would make my life better. And in that, there’s no pressure.
No pressure whatsoever. Don’t know how that gets you. I mean, yeah, let’s look at the bigger picture now.
The bigger picture you could consider being your best life, the best version of you. Let’s take it well beyond self-improvement. You see, when you find balance, and balance, as you know, is not just this, it’s harmony.
When you find harmony, that’s better. Let’s be real. When you find harmony in your life, you become calmer, don’t you? More comfortable.
And in that comfort, in that calmness, that peace, you can be more creative. You’re open to intuition. Those are hard.
You’re just there for it. Because you’re present. You’re giving yourself the present of being present.
That’s what it’s all about. And in this bigger picture, when you do that, people notice. We talk about the ripples, being the change you want to see in others.
People notice. Your family notices it. They love being around you when you’re like this.
And you do become that example, the example of what is possible in this life. But you see, because you’re living intentionally now, you’re following the right path. I call it my North Star.
I know a lot of people do, but I’ve been working on this, finding my direction. Remember, your North Star is not a thing, it’s a direction, it’s a path that creates wonderful opportunities. And you see, I found when I did this deeper dive myself with my puzzle book and all those things.
My North Star isn’t found with having complete freedom. It wasn’t. But it was revealed to me through creating enough support to hear myself, give myself space to listen.
And that’s a lovely place to be in your continuing exploration to create your best self. So let’s ask ourselves a few questions. And again, you might want to write these down, you might want to, you know, just set some time and just come back to this, because these are really important questions.
They’re easy, but they’re important. And you remember, in simplicity, there’s genius. And these are just wonderful, simple questions, but they dive so deep.
So you’ve listened to me ramble on. But here’s the question, what does freedom really mean to you? So the question, what does freedom really mean to me? Maybe where has freedom and too much freedom created confusion in your life, you know, all that stuff, the noise, the chaos. But the flip side, where has structure become too much controlling, as it were, and then open it up? What supports me without restricting me? What are the things I can do? The things I’ve learned that supports me without restricting me? You know, we talked about those anchors, those three anchors, what makes a great day or a good day? What are those gentle anchors that would make tomorrow just that little bit better? And if that was to be that 1%, what would it be to have that good day? What are the three gentle things that you do that just create a good day? And this is what really got me, the question that made me really think and in some ways, you know, give myself a little bit of a bollocking.
What am I trying to force that might grow naturally with support? Because I was trying to force stuff. I really wanted it. And it didn’t come until I gave myself support, the support was listening for me.
It was just listening, being available to myself, because I didn’t know that I knew. But I did know. I just had to get out of the way.
And that’s what happens. So here’s what I want to ask you. I obviously want you to do all of that.
But I want to ask you a couple of questions. But me, what are your relationships with freedom? I’d love you to email me this feedback at personal development unplugged.com because I’m so interested, because it will help my path, my growth, my understanding of freedom, and relationships to freedom. You’ve heard about mine now I’ve told you about it.
Maybe what are your those anchors that really give you a great day? What are the things in your life that allows you to feel free? Real free, not that chaos of freedom, but real freedom, where you can explore, create and be you. And what are the things that support you that that make you feel supported? You see, I’d love to know those because I’ll pinch them off you. But also, I’d like to share them with other people too.
You see, also, I want to encourage you to share this. Because there are people out there who need to hear this conversation. They really do.
And hopefully these are conversations. Another, they come from deep inside me. They’re very personal conversations.
I’m expanding out into a way that the things I’ve learned, the things I share. And I’d like you to share this too, because people do need to hear these type of conversations to reflect, to create and live their best life. So maybe just share.
And also that blooming subscribe button, the follow button, please press that because that’s going to help help this grow for other people to find it on the old platforms that you listen to. So here’s the thing. Let’s bring it.
Let’s bring it all back together. Let’s bring it all back together. I’ve done my little call to action.
I’ve really gone deep into my thoughts. Maybe freedom isn’t what you’re looking for, isn’t what you want. Maybe freedom isn’t doing whatever you want.
When you think about it. Maybe freedom is creating a life that supports what matters most. Who knows? Got to get a grips to that.
Just maybe. The structure that you’ve been resisting, well I’ve been resisting, is actually the support you’ve been looking for. But it’s this structure that I’m giving you.
Structure to be free, as it were. Because we need a little bit of this. A little bit of that.
And as we say, that is harmony. Hey, have more fun than you can stand. Keep following that blooming North Star.
Find your path. Find your direction. Live the life until it bursts.
Because it’s time to fly. Fly to that North Star. See you next time for deeper, little series of FMQs.
And let’s get thinking and doing and moving. Enjoy our life. Until next time, my friend.
I’ll see you then.
Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited