You know what you want. You probably know what you need to do. You may even have the knowledge, experience and tools to make it happen.
So why aren’t you doing it?
That was the question that stopped me in my tracks.
In this deeper dive, I explore a surprisingly useful way of getting unstuck: What would someone who has already achieved what I’m trying to achieve do?
It’s not about comparing yourself with someone who is supposedly “better” than you. It’s about modelling success—discovering the behaviours, beliefs, decisions, habits and ways of thinking that already work, then making them your own.
We look at some of the things that can quietly stop us taking action: limiting beliefs, fear of failure, perfectionism, anxiety, self-doubt, identity and that nagging internal voice telling us we shouldn’t, couldn’t or aren’t good enough.
And then we turn the question into a practical process you can use with your own goals, projects and dreams.
You don’t have to become somebody else.
You can borrow their eyes, discover what works, and turn it into your way of doing things.
Because perhaps you know more than you think you know.
And perhaps you don’t need the whole path.
You just need to discover the next step.
In this episode
- Why knowing what to do doesn’t always lead to taking action
- The question that stopped me in my tracks
- How to use modelling to achieve your goals
- The difference between copying someone and learning from them
- How limiting beliefs and fear of failure can keep you stuck
- What your internal dialogue might be telling you
- A practical process for discovering what you’re not doing
- How to identify what successful people consider “obvious”
- Turning someone else’s successful patterns into your own
- Why you don’t need the whole path—just the next step
The question to take away
What would someone who has already achieved the thing I’m trying to achieve do?
Then take it one step further:
What are they doing that I’m not doing?
And finally:
If I knew what they knew, what would I do next?
Not tomorrow.
Not someday.
Next.
And probably add in a share or two of this episode https://personaldevelopmentunplugged.com/489-what-would-someone-whos-already-done-it-do
See me recording this here https://youtu.be/mbKbM2Cu4Rw
Shine Brightly 🌟
Paul
Hey there! I’d love to hear from you—questions, feedback, requests—all welcome. Drop me a line or leave a comment. If you’ve enjoyed this episode or any other, please share and subscribe! You can reach me at feedback@personaldevelopmentunplugged.com.
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And the transcript WARNING if you’re a lover of the written word this may make you frustrated, or angry – you have been warned – is it an ‘ism
.
Personal development unplugged. Hey my friend, if you listen to the FMQ, the question that stopped me in my tracks, this is a deeper dive going into that question. And it’s not about how you achieve your goals or anything like that, not at all.
Something even deeper, more subtle than that and I think it will get you on the path you need to be. Because that’s what it’s all about, isn’t it? Finding our path and treading it gently, making our life richer. That’s what I think.
So I think this is, and that new question, is a bit of the missing puzzle or a piece of the missing. Or missing, that’s a better way to put it Cloughie, the missing piece of a puzzle. If you already know what you want and you already know a lot about how to get it, then the question might be, this is a different question, why aren’t you doing what you know? Why haven’t you got it yet? That’s interesting, isn’t it? Why aren’t you just doing it? Because you know what you want and you’ve got some good knowledge, haven’t you? Because I want to move from knowing and I want to move that through just, I don’t know, maybe something like, what would I do differently if I knew how? Because that would make a difference, wouldn’t it? In fact, you could even change that to an even richer question.
Something we can really dive into, which is, what’s stopping me doing that now? So it’s not, what would I do differently if I knew how? But what’s stopping me doing that right now? You see, if you remember from that five minute quickie, I was listening to the Chris Williams podcast, Modern Wisdom. And he said something, because he loves his quotes, doesn’t he? He loves his little memes because they’re so good, they’re condensed. They make you remember things.
And this one really stuck me. It like, I was walking and I just stopped, literally stopped in my tracks. And I started searching, searching for an answer.
Because it was that, I thought it was just that powerful. It’s so simple, so easy. It just went inside and I did my little search in all the different areas of my brain.
Because I knew this stuff. I don’t think I ever told you that question, did I? A question that actually froze me, dropped me in the tracks. I’m going to give it to you now and then we’ll go right into it.
And the question was, well, I’ll tell you in a minute. You see, I know that you’ve been searching. I know that you know your stuff.
I know that you’ve got experience. It was all the things that were going through my head, telling myself. I know my stuff, I’ve got experience.
I’ve actually got tools. We’ve got tools here, haven’t we? We’ve got hypnosis tracks, NLP tracks. We’ve got over a thousand episodes here.
Got the tools. And for me, I was thinking, I even teach or I’ve taught this stuff. I’ve shared it.
And in my particular bit, I was thinking, yeah, so why aren’t I doing it? Does that relate to you? Because you’ve got the, you know the stuff. You’ve got the experience. You know your tools.
You’ve got them. You can come and get them here. Why aren’t you doing what you want to do? Here’s a question.
What would someone better than you do in relation to that thing you’re not doing? What would someone better than you do? That fucking hurt. That did. That really did.
Ouch. I thought, yeah, that gave me all those thoughts. What would somebody else do better than you? And I thought to myself when I got back, I don’t think that’s the right question.
And I wanted to challenge it. Something in my head kept saying, I think there’s a better way to ask this question. And if you ask it in a better way, I think you get better results.
But certainly that made me jolt. It gave me that. But when you think of the word better, does that mean more successful? Does it mean more experience? Does it mean more confident? Yeah.
More knowledgeable? Maybe even more courageous? Who knows? And I thought, no, no, no, no, no, no. That’s when I think of something better than me, sometimes I get that brought me down a little. But then I thought, let’s simplify this.
Into, and I love the word simply. You know that we’ve talked about when you put the word simply in front of things. It just makes it so easy to slip inside.
So I came up with this thing. It’s simply somebody who has already achieved the thing that you’re trying to achieve. That’s it.
What would somebody who has already achieved the thing you’re trying to achieve do? Wow. And that just made it so much better. Because if I want to become a better podcast, I want to be a better artist.
I want to be a better me. I want to be better at finding my North Star, all that stuff. I don’t need someone who’s better than me as a human being.
There’s a lot of them around, but I don’t need that to inspire me. I need to ask, what does someone who is already brilliant at this, this thing, what do they do that I don’t? And now you see we’ve really hit the thing here. Going back to even NLP, your own linguistic program.
It’s all about modeling. You model somebody without any ego, no baggage, no envy. A little bit of envy in the way I want to learn what you do.
But that’s the only bit. You see, NLP was based on modeling how great performers got to be so great. Modeling, modeling them and then taking on their steps.
Maybe sometimes modifying it to become us. So let’s look a little deeper. And I think we can.
I want to ask you a question. And this is what might come up from this. When you think about that question, somebody who has already achieved the thing you’re trying to achieve.
What are you not doing? Think of that now. Maybe, maybe if you’ve got your little puzzle book out, you could write that question down and let the answer, or certainly let it flow after the answer. So what are you doing? What are you not doing? So it’s not what you don’t know.
It’s what you aren’t doing. And that’s a massive difference. Because you know, I know that you know.
You just don’t know that you know. You see, we should all over ourselves, don’t we? You know, you might know what you should do. You should make that telly.
You should publish that thing. You should practice more. You should ask for help.
You should have that difficult conversation, maybe. You should stop doing that something. And you should start doing that.
Maybe you should spend an hour on that important project rather than three hours faffing around with the insignificant stuff. The urgent stuff. Not the importance.
No, I should have. I could have. I wish I’d.
No. You see, you know. You know, but you don’t know.
You don’t know that you know. And this is where we’re going. Because you do know.
Now you see, there’s stuff that affects us sometimes. And this is where we go to. In our identity, the things that stop us is things like, I’m not the person who does this type of stuff.
That’s just not me. And maybe we’ve got that little fear. The fear that I’m going to fail.
And we know that hurts. Failure can hurt. And therefore I want to be perfect and I can’t be perfect.
And when I fail at that. You know, maybe on that identity thing linked with that belief. I’m a perfectionist.
Therefore, I’ve got to be perfect. And that’s bollocks. Sorry.
And you’ve got those beliefs. I mean, the belief is I’m a perfectionist. But, you know, I’m not good enough.
I don’t deserve this. And they’re all limiting, aren’t they? Maybe in our value, the why, we just don’t understand our why yet. And that’s the thing.
Yet. Because we don’t. This is all where we get these should as I would have wished I didn’t.
All that stuff. Maybe we have that internal dialogue. That bloody voice that keeps telling us, Ooh, I wouldn’t do that.
You know, it criticizes. Little thing on your shoulder. Beep, beep, beep.
Disrupts you. Distracts you. Let’s do this instead.
That’s hard. Let’s go and have some instant pleasure. Get that dopamine thing.
Or maybe when you think of your emotions. Maybe we get that little bit of anxiety. That fear that puts us in that stuck state.
We freeze. Maybe we hide. And then right, maybe below all of this is in your unconscious mind.
Doing its best for you with a wonderful positive intention to keep you safe. But everything I’ve just talked about bloody hurts, isn’t it? So there’s got to be a better way to keep you safe. Because this is not a safe feeling, is it? And if it’s not a safe feeling, I believe your unconscious mind will find a better way.
If we guide it. And we need to guide it. So can you understand now, if we start looking at someone who’s already brilliant at the stuff that you want to do.
That you’re not currently doing. That’s the place to look, isn’t it? That’s the place. So everything I’ve just talked about is, in some ways, apart from that wonderful safety that your unconscious mind is doing.
They’re all the effects of trying to keep you safe. But in an inappropriate way. And therefore you could say they’re all balls.
Because we’re going to change it. We’re going to get safer. So I want you to experience something with me.
I do. I want you to experience something with me. And if you could, I’d like you to close your eyes.
Because it just takes away the distractions. You know that. And I’d like you to think of one goal.
Something you’re working on, mate. But you’re not quite there. Choose that goal.
Choose that project that you’re just a little bit stuck on. Maybe you’ve… Those things I said. Those are called balls.
Maybe they resonated with you on that particular thing. So if you would, maybe just close your eyes. It’s not hypnosis.
It’s just blotting out anything that can distract you. Because we have enough of them. And choose that one goal.
And as you think of that goal, I want you to imagine someone who’s already achieved it. It could be in real life. Ideally in real life.
Someone who’s doing the thing that you want to do. If that doesn’t come up quickly, we can use our imagination. And you just imagine somebody who’s already achieved it.
Works both ways. And I don’t want you to think of Superman. No.
Not some fancy billionaire. Because there’s, you know, the show reels and the real stuff. I want you to imagine a real person.
A real person. Or imagine a version of someone who has all the qualities required to do this. The thing that you want to do.
Now, answers will come. They may come intuitively. They may be from your imagination.
Because that’s good too. You know, using your intuition. Because it comes from the same bloody place, doesn’t it? It comes from inside.
And ideally you have that puzzle book. Because I want you to write that sucker down, as Hogan says. So let’s explore it.
You brought this person to mind. How do they see the situation? How do they see it? How do they see the situation of being this achiever? Intuitively understand now. What do they notice that you don’t notice? Here’s a good one.
What do they believe that is possible? Wow. What do they believe that is possible? What would they do first? First or next, depending on the situation. What would they do? The very next, first thing.
And when you look at this person in your imagination, or this person you see. What do they waste time doing? Intuitively you’ll know. What don’t they waste time doing? How do they talk to themselves? Is it in a whingey whiney voice? What’s the quality of the type of words they use? Here’s a good one.
What would they consider obvious that you currently consider difficult? Oh, that’s a golden nugget if ever I heard one. See, now we’re moving. Coming away from the problem.
And we’re modelling the desired state. The desired answer that you want. And put it all together now.
Put it all together. If you knew what they knew, what would you do next? What would you do next? Not tomorrow. Oh, no.
Not tomorrow. Not bloody someday. Next.
Right now. What would you do? Yeah. You see, you might say this.
And this is something I thought about. You say, hang on a minute. Hang on a minute, Cloughie.
If I’m always asking what somebody else would do, am I just creating another version of either them or the old me who needs someone to tell them how to live, how to do everything? And the answer is absolutely bloody no. No way. You see, we learn from somebody else.
We learn. We have teachers. And this is a teacher.
Teachers come along in many different guises. Some in your head and your imagination. By asking these times.
We learn from somebody else and become more completely ourselves. Because when you think about it, there’s only one bloody you. The awesome you.
The unique you. And this is where I started right at the very beginning. Well, sort of nearly the beginning.
You don’t know what you know. And you don’t know that you know what you know. Because you don’t know.
But now you’re starting to know it. We’re pulling it out. This is you.
We’re learning. We’re modelling. And then we’re moulding it into us to get what we want.
How we want. You’ve probably opened your eyes by now. Well, I’d like you to close them again.
If it’s okay. Again, this is not hypnosis. But you will be going inside if that’s okay.
So just take a moment. Make sure you’re going to be undisturbed. You might need that puzzle book for after just to write things down.
As you know, we’re going to write these. Some things come up. But I want you to consider some questions again.
So, if it’s okay, close your eyes. Make sure you’re going to be undisturbed. And it’s safe to do so.
Close your eyes. Let’s just think about this issue. Or this thing.
Not an issue. It’s a thing that you’re trying to do. One to achieve.
It could be anything. I did it for my North Star. I found my new direction in life.
Because I had different things I wanted to do now. I’m moving towards them. It’s a direction.
But here we are. I want you to ask yourself right now. You, in this moment.
About this thing. Just ask yourself. What am I doing? And just notice all the different types of answers that make them.
What am I doing? What am I avoiding? That’s an interesting one, isn’t it? What am I avoiding? It might be the one thing. That one step. That makes all the difference.
What am I telling myself? What are the words? What are the things I’m saying? What am I understanding from my internal voice? My internal chatter? What am I telling myself? Because you’re doing it, aren’t you? Let that sink in. Just let it sink in. If you need to open your eyes and write some answers down.
That’s fine. What am I doing? What am I avoiding? And what am I telling myself? You can always come back. But it might be nice just to take a note of them.
And what the answers may be. You can go deeper in this. All by yourself.
Now. If you’ve opened your eyes. Close your eyes again.
And I want you to think of. If you were in the position. Actually in that person.
Someone who has already succeeded. Achieved doing the things. Put yourself in their position.
Looking through their eyes. The eyes of someone who is already succeeding. What you’re doing.
What do they see? How do they see the future? Of this thing you’re doing. The next step. Opportunities.
What do they see as opportunity? Maybe they see things as a wonderful problem to solve. A wonderful experience. I don’t know.
What do they see? What do they do? How do they do it? What would they do? And if you could hear their voice. What would they tell you? To stop. What would they tell you? You know the truth.
Now. I want you to. In your imagination.
Morph these two people together. The real you. And this imagined person.
Who has succeeded. Been successful in everything. That you want to be successful in.
Just let yourself come together. Through all these questions we’ve been asking. You can allow.
The wonderful skills. Be part of you. The behaviours.
The emotions. The beliefs. The values.
You’ve got them all. You’ve got them all. No one else.
Not somebody else. They’re in you now. And that’s the important thing to remember now.
Because you don’t know. That you don’t know. But now you do.
And with all of this. What would happen if you were to float out. Into the future.
I don’t know. Maybe six months. Maybe a year.
Whatever feels. Comfortable. Appropriate.
To you. And you’ve integrated all these behaviours. These skills.
These emotions. The thought patterns. The beliefs.
They’re all integrated in you. You’ve got them. You’ve been using them.
Over this period of time. And if you were to be here. In the future.
And you look back. Back at yourself. Back in the now.
Today. What would you tell yourself to do? What would you tell. That you.
Back then. In the now. Right here.
Now. From the future. What would you tell yourself.
To do now? So we’re not imitating anybody. Are we? We are ourselves. And we’re extracting.
All the patterns. From successful people. And making them.
Ours. Making them yours. Yeah.
So here’s the thing. You can open your eyes. Open your eyes.
Just. Yeah. I think this is probably the last time.
Not the last time you’ll open your eyes. But the last time in this episode. That you’ll close them.
That’s what I’m trying to say. You see. We’ve been doing all this modelling.
We’ve been doing this integration. Awesome, don’t you? But it reminds me of one little thing. I talked of in the FMQ.
Superman. Spiderman. The Hulk.
And then I sort of explored. That ordinary person. Underneath the superhero.
Inside the costume. As it were. Clark Kent.
Peter Parker. Bruce Banner. We know them.
But you see. That superhero. Wasn’t created by changing.
Into some. Somebody completely different. We’ve talked about that.
It was always. Always there. Always there.
Inside. The capability was just hidden. Maybe it was undeveloped.
Maybe it was constrained. Maybe not even yet trusted. Because you have to trust yourself.
Don’t you? You see. You. Me.
Especially you. Everyone. Is a superhero.
In. Hiding. There are no extraordinary people.
Everybody you think. As an extraordinary person. Is just an ordinary person.
Doing extraordinary things. And that’s you. You’ve got all that capability.
You can do whatever you choose. Now. We know how to trust ourselves.
And. Yeah. This is real.
This is real. And. If you remember from previous podcasts.
You know. I say. I’m still finding my way.
And my way. Changes. As I change.
And when you. Think in that way. Sometimes finding your way.
Really means. Temporary. Borrowing.
Somebody else’s eyes. Looking through the eyes. Of someone who’s already done.
Successfully. What you wanted. You see.
You don’t have to have the whole path. You really don’t. You just have to have.
The next step. It’s like. If you’re driving at night.
You’ve got your headlights out there. You can only see. So long.
That’s like the next step. But you know. You’re going to get there.
You know. You’ve got a direction. You’ve got an idea.
Where you want to end up. But maybe there’s new opportunities on the way. It’s like walking through fog.
You know where you’re going. But you just can’t quite. You can’t see it.
You know it’s there. But we just take. Every time you take one more step.
Towards that. End. That desire.
The place you want to be. The thing you want to achieve. The fog just opens up.
A little bit more. As you get there. Hey.
How many metaphors. Can we think of? So. I want you to take this from.
I don’t know what to do. You see. I hope you’re going to think.
I probably know. More than I think. And all you have to think of.
This is like the summary. Of it all. You just ask yourself.
When you’ve got this issue going on. Or you want to make progress. Or you want to just think.
Where am I stuck? So what would somebody. Who’s already done this. And what are they doing that I’m.
What am I doing? Oh. Maybe this. There’s an emotion there.
That’s trying to protect me here. Maybe I can. Work with that.
Yeah. That’s different isn’t it? Work with it. Not push it away.
And. You don’t have to become. That person.
The person who’s already done that. I can just take. What works.
And make it mine. Own it. What would.
The future me do? What would they say? And once you get that. You just go and fuck it. That’s what you do.
Now I’ll be talking. A little bit more about this. And sometimes.
You know. Even when we’ve got all this. Sometimes it does bring up emotions.
That we need to. To. As we said.
You know. Work with. You know.
Maybe it’s somebody trying to protect me. And I have to work with that. And that’s where I want to go.
On a couple of episodes. But. I keep sharing what I learn.
Now. If this has stirred anything up in you. Any question.
Or maybe there’s emotion. You go. Oh.
I’d like a little bit more help with. All you’ve got to do is email me. Feedback at personaldevelopmentunplugged.com I’m the only bugger here.
Only person in this. Who receives that email. So you’ll get a personal.
We’ll be able to build. Episodes around it. You know.
No names. You don’t know where. These episodes have come.
They come from questions. They’ve come from me. They come from.
Different experiences. What we’ve all learned. So do that.
Let me know. Keep subscribing. Keep following.
And all that stuff. Put the notifications on. So you don’t miss.
One episode. They won’t all hit. Hit.
The button. I know. But there’ll be something there for you.
There’ll be a. A golden nugget. Can work. And then share the hell out.
Just as I’m sharing the hell out. Of everything I know. Everything I experience.
I’m trying to. Pull it out here. This is Cloughie.
This is me. This is what I’ve done. Not what I’ve done in.
The Ego Star. But this is what. Maybe we can.
And I’d love the same from you. And I’d love to hear some. Celebrations too.
But hey. Whatever you. Whatever floats your boat.
That’ll be good for me. So. Until the next time my friend.
And we start. Sowing the seeds. And the longer deeper.
Have more fun than you can stand. And maybe. You the unconscious mind.
Can surprise them. By feeling happy. For no reason.
Time to fly my friend. See you later. Warning.
You are now leaving. The unplugged mind. Of Paul Clough.
It’s time to fly now. Be brave my friend. Personal Development Unplugged.
Transcribed by TurboScribe. Go Unlimited